On The Recovery From Adverse Childhood Experiences, Realising Dreams, Living & Enjoying The Best Life Experience Possible, and Paying That Forward… Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever
Greetings One & All. A while ago I created a Secret Facebook Group for Black Men & Women Inspiring Creators; for Dream-makers, for fringe dwellers, for the natural empaths, the sensitives; for those of us with a dream & no positive “cheering sections” in our lives to help hold that Dream, and bring it to fruition. Here is the invite if you would like to join this Pack, Your Pack, and get the support Inspiration & encouragemnet needed to make dreams a reality, and live your best Life Experience Possible. I am developing this Safe Space slowly but surely…I am a Great Believer that Good & Great things happens for organically, intuitively- never forcefully. PM me if interested in joining this Creative Alchemical Space.
Yes, some call it becoming an adult. The ancients calls it initiation. Whatever you call it, adults needs to be Woke. We meant to have independence of thought. We need to go out too on that independence limb sometimes, to truly call ourselves grown. The world, the earth, needs us to wake up: wake up and get back on “ancestral track…” It’s Now 0 Clock…
Just saying, we need to be grown & woke, especially to take the blinkers off and meet this world we live in face to face, and chose “things needs to be different.”
Difference mostly meaning more humane, more righteous- so much of the world is so totally wrong..
Not that it’s all bad; more people are waking up, I can feel the build of that Critical Mass..
But daily, we need to keep that focus…ESPECIALLY coming out of the nightmare that was Covid, that had many lessons to teach us, grown ups…the kind of growing up that separates us from animals…otherwise we more animal then grown ups…watch the same ole same ole news…there’s NOTHING NEW about it! Same news; same same ole wounds and lessons unlearned- calling for us to REALLY learn, from personal & collective Experience.
Just saying…The future needs that/us…the children needs that/us…We need to stop handing back down to the youths the same ole same ole shitty batons, expecting them to clean up, our mess…
Now that my moment to moment Presence in my life is more realised, I truly get the notion that my anxiety and tendency towards worry steals time from my 24 hour Today.
Anxiety and worry is all about the future, a time we can not visit in the Now of living. We are all equal on that footing. No human being can live in tomorrow; no human is given more, or less, 24 hours a day. Sit with that…
So anxiety and its close cousin worry are nothing but time/Now stealers. As simple as that…
Whether that anxiety is more trauma- originating coping strategy, and worry a natural born tendency- and/or a social conditioning, one that proves how caring we are by worrying about our loved ones…
whichever, they both mount to a waste of Here & Now time; all mounts to a constant leaking away of the equally- given 24 hours a day…
Anxiety and worry is only useful if living in the moment- in the Here & Now, is painful. That was the condition that made anxiety and worry come visit me…
Now, I am learning to release them both, especially as the pain is no more, and my Now is actually filled mostly with Peace and Joy.
So anxiety and worry I continue to let you go. Yes, over the years I became quite dependent on yous: Yous became my “better the devil you know,” but today I am being reminded that I can now turn mistrust into trust;
that I can allow The Process to do its thing…that I can allow the high regard I Now have for myself to fertilise & make sound the ground I am today walking on; releasing & freeing feelings of safety and trust in this Now time of my life.
So, no more wasting my time. It’s just that time, Now.🤗
Living Life to the fullest, however I find myself, means, at this time, fully embracing existential angst & trauma triggers.
That reminder helped me just now to feel, even at a low, that Life remains good, and needs no fixing- just embracing & accepting, knowing Life has its seasons..
So I don’t have to Positive away my blues today. This too shall pass, so gotta ride this emotional storm out, and trust Daybreak – in Her Clarifying Steadfastness, to bring me back to Bliss..
The Ground on which my one true Spirit lives…in its Naturalness…So, I hold to This, as an infant in need of nourishment holds to its mother’s breast, hoping to be fed, on its way to rest…
One of my favourite quote says, “A heart that has learned to trust can be at rest in the world.”
Past trauma/triggers can have you, for mere survival (back then), believing this world cannot be trusted, so it’s best not to relax and let your guard down..
Turning mistrust around has been some kinda Journey; nevertheless, a Journey I remain on, and remain 💯 committed to. Love help/s me..
So, this week I was eavesdropping on my counselling, supervision and coaching sessions with my clients, meaning, I just became so present in that harmoniously unified flowing moment, when the observer becomes the observed, the seer, the scenery; the One The Whole, a real moment of Reverence….
and I saw That, that I Am, pretty bloody Marvelous! Pretty bloody Amazing, in and of myself and in how Skilled and Proficient I am in my work, in how I get The Process & The Work So Beautifully and marvelously across…delivering The Healing in such A Way that truly feeds, deeply & Intrinsially, the souls of the folks I Serve.
I saw how amazing I am as a counsellor, as a person, who is really Gifted in Problem-Solving: in bringing Light into the dark, of the heart of a person, Revealing their One True light to themselves.
Really gifted in seeing and viewing situations from all the angles that is humanly possible, That I have at disposal. I was bloody amazed at myself. It’s like I have turned on the lights in all these moments and areas in my life and am realising who the hell I am!
Yes, sometimes you need to curse, Words Of Praise! I look forward to more of those moments to moments Self-REALisation.
I look forward to expanding my Moment-To-Moment Presence; I look forward to slowing more of my life down and enjoying being truly Present and filled with true Real-Life Appreciation…to put more lights on in the mansion that is my Soul, and at the same time, the Soul of the world. To continue to simplify my life and my time. On Planet Earth We make life so very UnLike ItSelf. It needn’t be the case.
As I was walking down the street today all this came to me, and I thought, I need to write a Blog. I need to blog this HeartSoul- Out….This Heart Song…
Some people might think I am being “full of myself,” even arrogant, but even if that is so, who else I am supposed To Be Full Of (lol!!!)
What it is I am doing and sharing here- read my book Back to Love linked at the end of this blog which charts My Journey, which Shows & Tells My Story of how Early Life Experiences had once pushed me ever so far Out Of Life Picture; what I am doing here is both Witnessing & Re-cognising my Total Life, turn around…
My total life turn around from a direction it easily could have gone down..
This Blog, This Testimony- My Life Story, is nothing bloody short of a Miracle…And you better believe that Life, as it has turned around for me, has not come easy! The challenges- and some challenges continues for the likes of me, continues to push me to Growth, to date…
I Am, ever so proud of myself! Ever So Proud of Denise Marcia James!!
I Am, literally, a bloody Walking, Truth-Talking, Miracle! There’s a song from the 70’s called Walking Miracle by Limmie & The Family Cooking, that oftentimes comes to mind whenever I Reflect upon My Life.
I am very very proud of myself and I Deserve to Fly My Own Flag…to blow My Own Horn! To Celebrate My Life and The Effort I have put in to it…to get fully into It..to get Fully into It…Fully into Me..
The Effort I put into My Relationships- each & every single last one of them, whether they be my relationships with my/children; my clients; my partner, my friends.. As Daughter, Sister, Aunt: I really Show Up. I show up & Give My Best, My Heart, My Whole, My Soul; and Get that Dynamic Interchange back, from people to I give Fully to, Like That..
That’s the wonderful thing, you know, when you Step Forward, WithIn that Self-Reveal Flow; when you LIVE Your Dream, Speak Your Truth- and Are Your Truth, It’s Amazing…and A Double Blessing when That Light Frees & Ignites Up other’s Self-confidence, giving them much-needed permission, within relationships, To Do & Be, Likewise!
That is The Magic that bloody happens in REALationships….that’s what bloody happens when you live your truth, when you be who you truly are, and in so doing and being, Flow With The Beauty Of ‘All Life Is’…far from what It is not…Life Imagined, Fashioned Out Of Love…
So Good To Be…and Come, Home…To Me🤗
Peace & Love, Every Single & Whole Body..
Light..
I do not own the rights to Mary J Blige’s My Life track below..
Oftentimes, and in the old days, Fathers, you were relegated to the sidelines of Family Life; to the back of things, with the world not fully grasping that your input is equally needed and valued..
Only you can Protect in that Super-Powered way: the one that keeps predators away, keeping children safe.
I wish you can see how much children needs you and how children can suffer so without your Divine Presence and involvement. This I say to All fathers.
For the Black father, in particular, the African, Caribbean, British, Nubian, my heart bleeds for you, and mostly bleeds because in the Western world your power has been trampled on & taken away…
Your influence, ripped from under you, especially when we were slaves, its impacts still very visible today..
There is nothing more I want to see, than the brothers standing tall in this society, reclaiming and cherishing his family, taking back up that Reverency.
Please, my brothers, come back home. Our younguns miss & needs you so. They need that baritone voice that lets us & the world knows, exactly where the lines are drawn…to help us love ourselves, and our reflections.
Just like slavery, crack/cocaine came in the 80s to destroy our souls, no one watches that, no one does the maths…In the Americas it came, to Britain too, and the Caribbean..
But this black woman, this Sistah, this mother of sons, and aunts of daughters, loves you so, and those of you gone AWOL, Come back home…back home and seated in place for re/generation..
Children are naturally forgiving. They just want their parents to see them, love them, teach them, spend time with them, keep them in line, give them that self-love and self-confidence they need in this life, to avoid being twice defeated in the race, as Black African peoples. Please believe, ITS NEVER TO LATE..
It’s never to late, if you’ve lost touch, to put in the work. And if your children won’t let you correct your mistakes, because its taking them a minute or two to forgive your lack of previous involvement, there are many other unfathered boys and girls in need of your kind of your time, your care, and protection.
We need the black mother and father, together again, and United; loving each other, visibly, so our children can internalise how black love looks, loves, feels, acts. Brothers & Sistahs Let’s stop tearing each of up!
Too much inner city trauma and blues. Now is the time to choose: to choose what’s best for the children..
So Daddies, come back home, to the fold, and let us, the black family unit, pick up where slavery plucked us, and our true stories left off…
Pick up and put ourselves map on The Map of Founding Mothers & Fathers, as Nature- not us- Planned it.
Prodigal Father, Come Home, the younguns needs you so!
Earlier today I was listening to Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Marrow, and I just had to share something I read there that resonated with me. Before I do, just to share that every book I read-that I reach out to read and/or it finds me- comes when I am facing something that is challenging in my life that is calling me to further growth and self/understanding. I loved Elizabeth Lesser’s book Broken Open, which I read maybe 10 years , or so, ago. Her soul speaks to and resonates with mines in an effortless and easy way.
I chose this book, which I am going to share an excerpt from, during this time of death being so very much part of our lives and the world with the advent of Covid -19. In the midst of covid-19 and its sudden prevalence of high death rates, especially back in March and April, and having experienced the loss of loved ones losing loved ones, I felt the need to make peace, again, with death: with this twin that comes with human life, which we humans finds hard to accept and live with, let alone bare when it comes knocking. I very much wanted to find a way to quell the fear in the world and the fear in my everyday, so off I went searching for the right (now) book. Books have always been My Way: My Way to find A Way.
Okay, now to share the excerpt that Spoke to me today and Inspired me to share it here…
“It never ceases to amaze me how much we all suffer from ADD, not Attention Deficient Disorder. The ADD I am talking about is Authenticity Deficiency Disorder, a condition you will not find in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders because I made it up…
But still, it is real and like many disorders Authenticity Deficiency Disorder manifest along a spectrum…
Some of us have a mild case: we go through the day with a low grade embarrassment of being human, hesitant to show our true face with all its odd and magnificent irregularities; reluctant to look inside and do some house cleaning and get to the marrow of the self…
Others of us fall on the more serious end of theAuthenticity Deficiency Disorder spectrum: our sense of inadequacy and shame is overwhelming and crippling. Serious Authenticity Deficiency Disorder can take the form of depression, anxiety, fear, isolation; it can hold us back from fully living; it can make intimacy impossible…
Most of us fall in the middle of the Authenticity Deficiency Disorder spectrum: sometimes pleased about who we are, sometimes ashamed. Sometimes clear about our paths in life; oftentimes befuddled and stuck…
In the privacy of our own nutty heads we imagine everyone else got the instruction book, but not us. Indeed, we suspect there may be something uniquely wrong with us, but we keep that insecurity to ourselves; we keep it secret…
And then we try to cover it up with all different sorts of facades and defenses that over a lifetime becomes habitual. We try to look the part of someone whosegot it all together…
Depending on what we think the world wants from us, we try to sound cool, act strong, be smart. Or maybe we hide behind a macho mask, or a good girl persona. Maybe we act the good girl part when what is called for is a rebel; or maybe we act the rebel even though there is nothing to fight..
Meanwhile, back in theMarrow, our shining soul is what the world really wants…
…but we don’t believe that.
We believe the opposite: that if we look too deep or share too much our basic unacceptability would be found out…
So, we relate to each other on the surface because if we reveal too much- show our cards, we won’t be loved, or won’t be accepted , or won’t belong…
We’d be taken advantaged of, we’d be judged, and excluded…
But that is a supreme misunderstanding…”
And so Lesser goes on…
Similarly, I believe that this world and its inhabitants have a supreme case of Authenticity Deficiency Disorder…I also believe that death scares us so when we are not living an authentic life; when we are not being our authentic self. Death scares us so when we know deep inside that we are not living a life pleasing to ourselves & to our true potential. That is what we are here to do and be, not carbon copies, not what the world tells us is acceptable; not how the world pigeon box us. We are, and we have, Agency.
Isn’t that what deathbeds regrets are full of….? Life-Unlived.…woulda coulda shouldas…
As the lyrics of a song says (the name of which escapes me) Be yourself; everyone else is taken..
I had it too, and am recovering therefrom…Daring Greatly every single day to be me, simply…
Peace & Love,
Light…
P.s. Let Your Authentic Shine Bright…
The world, like never before (in our time), needs Your Light…
It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Taste of Personal Freedom that comes from exercising the power of choice of how I will respond in all of my life situations.
It feels so good experiencing that Peace of Mind that comes from making up one’s mind to own one’s mind and not give it over to inside & outside malignant force.
It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Serenity of not being whisked off & away into the amygdala brain, which causes the loss of time, essentially those Preciously Sweet Moments of Now.
It feels so good, especially for the likes of me, to have freedom from worry, and from anxiety playing “worse case scenarios” over & over. My Mind is at her Happiest at this time in my life, inspite of the unprecedented presence of corona.
It feels so good to feel so good fervently Claiming “Feel So Good” moment to moment & daily. It feels so good to feel so good without terror riding up behind me and stealing my joy like it used to, once required as a matter of survival.
Damn! It just feels sooo blimming good!!
Peace & Love,
Light…
P.s. To get a front row seat of how I came to be more at Peace, in Love & in Joy in my healing & life journey thus far (it’s been a long time coming!), buy my book, Back to love…you will not be disappointed..
This year so far feels to be flying by for me. I am still very much on track as far as being committed to Happiness is concerned as well as honing Acceptance and Response Ability. Life can take over, but I’m still in the driving seat with those particular Intentions.
My ongoing Achilles heel is the challenge of relaxing and claiming that stillness. I mean, I am good with that when meditating and love the Very Sweet Deep Peace to be found in that “Within;” but going about my day, I do struggle. I do struggle to do less & be more; to switch doing off and come down into Being, and receive therein, from That Well-Being Source. I know where that comes from…read my book Back to love...But as I write this, I am reminded of a quote by Paulo Ceolho. It goes…
“A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. “
In my instance, it’s a choice repeated more than once is a decision, or a decision yet to be more fully and completely made; my choice being not to relax, especially when needed- especially when opportunities to relax presents itself to me. I think I will do the following exercise to see if I can more uproot this Persistent Visitor (a PTSD trauma response) in my life. Persistent Visitor is a term used by Jack Kornfield in his book A Path With Heart.
This exercise I got from John Welwood in his book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. It is an exercise used to aid The Process of cultivating ever Greater Presence & Capacity To Be With Emotional Experience. We inadvertently add to our (legitimate) suffering when we flee from the emotional and its associated feeling of difficulty and pain. When we flee from the heart’s angst, instead of allowing that angst to flow; to work itself out; to pass; we end up standing in the way of Peace & Joy and all the real & true things in the secret chambers of our hearts, we truly want…
The author works with the following principles in this exercise: Acknowledging, Allowing, Opening & Entering…
I apply this exercise to my difficulty in Allowing myself to settle, relax, let go, and simply Be, with all that IS, Now -inside & out…
UNCONDITIONAL PRESENCE
ACKNOWLEDGING
I have to Acknowledge that relaxing is a challenge for me, for all the reasons spoken about in my autobiography book, Back to love. Relaxing and letting go is a very daring act as once a upon a time, in my most formative years, relaxing was not a good thing to be doing. Doing so came to mean putting myself in harm’s way. I lived in hypervigilance back then, for survival sake. A survivor response.
ALLOWING
I have to Allow that difficulty to be there. I say it again: To Be There. I have to Allow myself to lean into it, as much as I can…Giving Space to difficulty, like the sky Gives Space to the earth to live move and have its being- and all the other planets. We are all, on this earthplane, being Held in that All Encompassing Space…Think about it…We are held-up in no thing, just Space..
OPENING
I have to Open myself to where the difficult will take me…I have to Trust, by trusting, that Opening to the difficult will be the best thing I could do for my Here & Now Wellbeing. If we can stay long enough with this Opening, we find that as the difficult reaches its peak, there exist, within the angst, The Promise: The Promise & Reward of Sweet Release, from the pain… from the prison of angst..
ENTERING
As I am Entering the difficult, the emotional pain, there is that Space, that Expansion, and the difficult begins to dissipate, to evaporate; to take us beyond…beyond pain to Joy, from wound to wonder…to greater Inner Harmony & Togetherness, that naturally spills out…like The Cup that runneth over..
Take, at a minimum, 15 minutes to try this exercise when you are upset about something, and/or need to relax and get off autopilot. Try for a maximum of 30 minutes- and/or as long as you like. Keep trying this until, like a muscle consistently exercise, this Practice & Way of Being grows, and its benefits soars, from the inside-out.
I am off to do this now and will take this month of March to remember to Practice more concertedly and pointedly, relaxing, into the day, into the task, into the being and the doing of no thing.
Peace & Love,
Light..
P.S. On Trauma & Recovery…if interested read my book Back to love…
