And Now, the beginning is here; the beginning of the rest of my life; as it is always here. One door closes, another one opens. Sometimes it can take so much time closing a door that need closing. The hardest doors to close for me are those that were opened in our primary years and got left ajar because something important for one’s development did not get attended to, and left that business unfinished, still looking for closure.
Recently I have finally closed one of those unfinished business doors; the door to the room where the same story keeps playing out, with different actors. It felt so risky to do as it has so much confusion surrounding it: so much blindsidedness, as those primary left ajar doors oftentimes have. I had to get out of a relationship. I had outgrown it and sadly it could not grow with me: a primary repeating story for me. Similarly I had outgrown my mummy and daddy from when I was a child. I kept waiting for them to finally grow up and take proper care of me; I waited in vain.
In relationships there exist the opportunity to develop and see sides of ourselves we cannot see alone. Some people aren’t interested in all that; some people are happy to live close to the surface and avoid the risk it takes to take each other’s hand and dive to the depths to receive a deeper kind of soul-self nourishment. I have always been a deep diver; I see that clearly now and will take that forward into the next relationship, knowing how important it is for me that my Chosen Other has that like-heart quality.
We live and we learn, if we choose. And even if we don’t choose, not choosing is a choice; be it by default.
I need a mate that is awake.
And though he may on occasion be afraid of the dark, like myself he will not allow that fear to rule his heart, knowing from experience the facing of one’s fears strengthens him and Us. Pound for pound I ask this loud and clear, knowing wholeheartedly I can deliver on That myself.
Peace and Love,