So, one of my resolutions this year is coming more from my centre of being. I do not make resolutions just for the New Year. From forever self- realisation has very much been a part of me and how I live. Being more centred, and related to that as I shared in my last blog on the theme of time, my relationship with time is also something I am determined to master, and if you like strive to make an art of. I am coming to believe that I am a natural born artist at heart. I have also always been driven to, and take immense pleasure in, making a fine art out of anything: to getting to the inherent beauty of a thing and releasing the unique fragrance it gives. I have always been driven to get to the heart of a thing and realise its natural inner beauty. I have never gotten bored of doing this; never gotten bored of ‘perfecting,’ and not in a neurotic way. The drive is more spiritual than ego.
Anyway, getting back to the topic of Centring, like my 6 year meditation practice, ‘coming back to’ Centre is an intention I have decided since 2019 to apply to my every day; to apply to each and every activity and movement I am engaged in. It is the same dance of my sitting meditation, only meditation in movement- and much more than ‘mindfulness:’ Mindfulness came way before this. This Centring I am engaged in goes that bit deeper.
Thus far, this Centring Practice, if you like, has truly been an eye opener- a spiritual eye opener, and for a number of reasons. Firstly, because I am truly ready to take my spiritual/personal growth to that level, and as I am doing so, I am realising how much my sitting meditation has helped me: has helped me to know I can keep coming back repetitively like that. This makes me know, without doubt, that I can live in that more Centred way, and level of depth, AND that I know what I am doing. This in turns gives me a lot of confidence that strengthens and sharpens my focus and resolve. I am so loving this feeling of being more ‘inside-out’ unified, and in a more complete way than before.
Already it is making me feel more inner power & peace, and making me feel and believe I CAN DO ANYTHING; making me feel skilled in manifestation and self-mastery, which can only get better and better. This new development is making me feel that I can more fully embody and live under the tutelage of the following affirmation, one that has helped me out loads in the past:
“I am Beautiful, Peaceful, Confident and Powerful. “
I have been hiding my fire/light under a bushel for way too long. I want to fully live; I want to fully shine: actually, it is not a want, it’s a NEED.
I am ready to shine and enjoy the experience of shining, rather than playing my light down & out. I want to release the fear that being myself in that more total way is dangerous and will unwittingly bring to me another’s biting envy. In my life I have had more than my fair share of ‘back-biting’ from others. At those times, for the life of me, I could not figure out, and/or see why me…Instead I rationalised there must be something wrong with me because it kept happening and all I was doing is being me….So, I am truly appreciating where I am finding myself at this moment in Eternal Time.
That is one side of this Centring experience; the other side is that it is blooming hard remaining Centred and continuously coming back to Centre as I move through my day and interact with people. The good thing about being more consciously and intentionally Centred, is that I can immediately feel when I am about to be pulled off-centre. And there are so many bloody triggers! The experience thus far can be very much likened to giving up the habit of smoking, then every moment realising the more psychological addictive side of it, and how dependent you were on it, as well as the myriad of ways cigarettes was used to emotional & self- regulate you, when shit got difficult!
My big triggers are in work, as well as working in the voluntary sector where employees can get easily pulled into working extra hard: working extra hard to keep the service in operation, on already insufficient funds. Working hard and around the 9-5 clock to ensure that the work is carried out to exceptionally high standards, ones that clearly statistically demonstrate, annually, that the much needed service is worthy of continued and further funding. In becoming more Centred I am releasing the trauma- originating people pleaser part in me who feels the misplaced need to get work perfect and in so doing inadvertently run me rugged, just to make everyone happy, and feel appreciated. Now at work all I allow myself do is my very best, and definitely leave the rest. At this point in my life’s journey, I am more than happy to put another nail in the coffin of the ‘black superheroine complex.’
Then there’s the ‘commuting experience’ and releasing the temptation there to take others to task in so very many ways: loads of triggers there, especially underground. But I am determined not to give my power away there, and/or anywhere. I can see more clearly now that when I do, the satisfaction of taking people to task only last a second or two, but long-term, and daily, it all builds up and exhaust me. All these little and often emotional withdrawals adds up overtime. I’d rather keep my power now, and continue to enjoy this new discovery of increased personal power, by not allowing myself to be ‘drawn in’ and pulled off Centre.
I’m loving it, though in some situations it’s hard and takes immense resolve to not get caught up in negative interactions, which includes thought and emotion. Not forgetting to mention, the triggers in ‘home life,’ and in the many and varied roles in the world of domestics! But I say again, I am determined because I know the fruits of this labour is going to be more than worth it, what with the immediate feel- good benefits I am already experiencing- and the joyful anticipation of future miracles in the way of dreams more easily & swiftly making reality, within the Amazing Grace of Serendipity.
So 4 days in and I am strong and riding ready; and I Will keep on. I will also keep you all updated and informed: doing so helps to reinforce my (un)learning as well as keep me and my progress in good check. Also sharing my discoveries is a thing I absolutely enjoy doing, and feel I have been purposed on this Earth-Plane to do. I feel that I am purposed to share my experiences with others and to give those in need, much-needed hope. And it is my hope that by my doing so, that they in their struggles may draw some much needed inspiration to keep on keeping on and know that they and their lives are worth it, and worth the fight for, which reminds me of a quote,
“Don’t let the struggle become your identity.”
We are more than our struggles; so much more. And I absolutely don’t mind showing that Good News through the sharing of my own experiences- however risky and very difficult that at times feels. The truth is we have been awesomely made and as such are spiritually enriched and equipped to make good of any and all life experiences. We all have that “Something Inside So Strong, that knows that we can make….” As the lyrics to Labi Siffre’s song reminds us. The greatest sin in this world is that we don’t know we have that Something inside, which reminds me of another quote that says words to the affects:
“To understand another human being we must first get to know and understand ourselves.”
This is the Highest and Greatest of All Education: Self-knowledge; hence the ancient adage, “KNOW THYSELF.” Hence why the corrupt powers that be work hard to keep imprisoned our minds. The mind is a terrible thing to waste…
I leave you with a final quote:
‘He said, “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; never stop fighting.”‘ E.E. Cummings.
Peace & Love,