Back to Love…Excerpt..


“If God is for me, who can be against me?” Romans 8:31

…Old fears of possible and imminent rejection were being stirred up; fears of not being wanted or considered not good enough; fears of making a mistake and getting the answer wrong and looking like such a fool; old fears born out of past realities of oftentimes being made to feel that I was always coming up short on the parental and other authority figures’ measuring sticks. However, a more recent, and most definitely corrective, experience of studying and successfully passing my degree gave me a certain confidence, reassurance and encouragement in spite of the fears; all of which accompanied me into the interview situation, giving me the courage that I needed.

The interview went surprisingly well, meaning I felt quite confident within myself and fairly at ease with all the questioning. I left the interview feeling that all had went well, a feeling that was confirmed later on during the week by phone call and letter offering me the position, which I obviously accepted. I was so happy!

All felt very much on track in my world; the track I had initially set off on with the decision I made in 1982 to have a child and give him and me a second chance, to the renewed decision I made in 1986 to enter therapy and return to higher education and more fully and successfully turn that improved life chances corner. It felt at that time that the job, the degree and the letting go of bulimia, as well as of certain relationships, notwithstanding the growing inner peace, joy and confidence I had been feeling more often than not, were all visible signs of victory; the fruits of all the very real, very hard and harrowing work I had put into my life and self to that date. It was like a beautiful spring morning inside myself when I started work in February 1993, happily embracing the total experience of getting up and going to work, and the purpose, routine and structure it brought into my world.

Peace & Love,


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