Back to Love…Excerpt..


…Although the abuser stopped coming physically around as much, he stepped up his efforts to turn me back around. He did this mainly by phone, continuing in the same vein and in the same desperation with the same lies. I had been conditioned to forgive what could be deemed unforgivable, and to accept, understand and live with absolutely atrocious behaviour, so it took me a while to finally lose my cool and tell him to sling his fucking hook.

Indeed, it was his constant irresponsible, inconsiderate, irritating and infuriating behaviour that made me decide to disclose all to my mother. If he had behaved otherwise, I might not have chosen to go down that road, but now I felt compelled to do so because I felt that he needed to be properly outed. Hidden in that decision was also the hope that perhaps being outed in front of my mother might bring him to the position he needed to be in, so that at the very least he would have no more justifications and would come to know the wrong he had done, if only so that he may never do it again.

It was time to truly shame the devil, and in addition to it all, I began to feel it was important for my mother to know what it was truly like for me, and what her trusted and still close friend had done to me. For me, this meant a further coming into my own; of bringing closure to not only all the bad conditioning, but also the pretence in my family, all of which seemed really relevant and extremely important to my healing journey…

Peace & Love,


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