This…

A.D.D

Earlier today I was listening to Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Marrow, and I just had to share something I read there that resonated with me. Before I do, just to share that every book I read-that I reach out to read and/or it finds me- comes when I am facing something that is challenging in my life that is calling me to further growth and self/understanding. I loved Elizabeth Lesser’s book Broken Open, which I read maybe 10 years , or so, ago. Her soul speaks to and resonates with mines in an effortless and easy way.

I chose this book, which I am going to share an excerpt from, during this time of death being so very much part of our lives and the world with the advent of Covid -19. In the midst of covid-19 and its sudden prevalence of high death rates, especially back in March and April, and having experienced the loss of loved ones losing loved ones, I felt the need to make peace, again, with death: with this twin that comes with human life, which we humans finds hard to accept and live with, let alone bare when it comes knocking. I very much wanted to find a way to quell the fear in the world and the fear in my everyday, so off I went searching for the right (now) book. Books have always been My Way: My Way to find A Way.

Okay, now to share the excerpt that Spoke to me today and Inspired me to share it here…

“It never ceases to amaze me how much we all suffer from ADD, not Attention Deficient Disorder. The ADD I am talking about is Authenticity Deficiency Disorder, a condition you will not find in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders because I made it up…

But still, it is real and like many disorders Authenticity Deficiency Disorder manifest along a spectrum…

Some of us have a mild case: we go through the day with a low grade embarrassment of being human, hesitant to show our true face with all its odd and magnificent irregularities; reluctant to look inside and do some house cleaning and get to the marrow of the self…

Others of us fall on the more serious end of the Authenticity Deficiency Disorder spectrum: our sense of inadequacy and shame is overwhelming and crippling. Serious Authenticity Deficiency Disorder can take the form of depression, anxiety, fear, isolation; it can hold us back from fully living; it can make intimacy impossible…

Most of us fall in the middle of the Authenticity Deficiency Disorder spectrum: sometimes pleased about who we are, sometimes ashamed. Sometimes clear about our paths in life; oftentimes befuddled and stuck…

In the privacy of our own nutty heads we imagine everyone else got the instruction book, but not us. Indeed, we suspect there may be something uniquely wrong with us, but we keep that insecurity to ourselves; we keep it secret…

And then we try to cover it up with all different sorts of facades and defenses that over a lifetime becomes habitual. We try to look the part of someone whose got it all together…

Depending on what we think the world wants from us, we try to sound cool, act strong, be smart. Or maybe we hide behind a macho mask, or a good girl persona. Maybe we act the good girl part when what is called for is a rebel; or maybe we act the rebel even though there is nothing to fight..

Meanwhile, back in the Marrow, our shining soul is what the world really wants…

…but we don’t believe that.

We believe the opposite: that if we look too deep or share too much our basic unacceptability would be found out…

So, we relate to each other on the surface because if we reveal too much- show our cards, we won’t be loved, or won’t be accepted , or won’t belong…

We’d be taken advantaged of, we’d be judged, and excluded…

But that is a supreme misunderstanding…”

And so Lesser goes on…

Similarly, I believe that this world and its inhabitants have a supreme case of Authenticity Deficiency Disorder…I also believe that death scares us so when we are not living an authentic life; when we are not being our authentic self. Death scares us so when we know deep inside that we are not living a life pleasing to ourselves & to our true potential. That is what we are here to do and be, not carbon copies, not what the world tells us is acceptable; not how the world pigeon box us. We are, and we have, Agency.

Isn’t that what deathbeds regrets are full of….? Life-Unlived.…woulda coulda shouldas…

As the lyrics of a song says (the name of which escapes me) Be yourself; everyone else is taken..

I had it too, and am recovering therefrom…Daring Greatly every single day to be me, simply…

Peace & Love,

Light…

P.s. Let Your Authentic Shine Bright…

The world, like never before (in our time), needs Your Light…

Needs Your Difference-Making..

The Sparrow Of Lasting Happiness #1

Watch the crud -the “stuff,” the old past conditioning and its associated angst- come, and let it go…Similar to my meditation practice, this I will do with the discomfort that comes up as I choose the Happiness Track…and I will share that Process & Journey every so often here in this blog.

Change is a process so to get More Lasting Happiness in my life- the More Life/Light Christ and other enlightened humane beings came to show us The Way and offer us, I have to make that conscious effort, moment to moment, to watch the crud come and let it go, releasing the temptation, the old habit, of immediately trying to change it in some way. Of numbing it; disassociating from it; escaping the intensity & overwhelm of it. Just a standing still and letting the crud, like a tumultuous wave, wash over me. Letting that be whilst having Faith that I can withstand those intense emotional waves, knowing they won’t kill me, that is the Intention of the practice. Just like in the Gospel of Mark 4:35-41 when Christ, The Light, told the storm to be still and implored the disciples to have More Faith.

This week, on a scale of 1- 10, with 1 being running away from and disallowing the emotional crud wave washing over me, to 10 being perfect facing of it, allowing it and remaining Still & Knowing I can withstand this, I would say I am starting at a strong 6,/stable 7. That rising wave happened numerous times throughout the week and felt very difficult to bare, and caused a part of me to panic with what felt like the enormity of it all…(During the week an upsetting life event happened that also added its unpleasant two pennies worth; but that perhaps for another blog).

I noticed fear- terror even- and a dread in some of those moments, which is to be expected, I had to remind the perfectionist in me. I had to remind that part of me that for it was expecting me to just get this practice, this cultivation, this planting of the Lasting Happiness Seed, down to a tee, without experiencing difficulty! She crazy (lol)!

For myself an 8 would be the degree to which the fear and the dread have lessened, and in its place, More of a feeling of Equanimity: More of an Experiential Knowing and surety that there is truly nothing to fear, and that the worse has already happened...

That the thing that I fear most has already happened, that thing being the psychological self-annihilations experienced when I was little and undefended at that most vulnerable time in my early life. Oftentimes the heart of our fears lies in the file of “when I was little & totally vulnerable and dependent on big people.”

Like already mentioned, I will be sharing & tracking this Sparrow of MORE Lasting Happiness, from the inner-side-out, Journey here, to help & reinforce my own un/learning, and as always to help anyone here reading my blogs and who wishes to see and know what self-love looks, feels & breathes like.

With self-love the most difficult, mine currently being Lasting Happiness, in this time, can be made Possible. And given due Love & Light, the difficult Shadowy material transforms-back into- most beautiful.

Additionally, as Lao Tzu said,

The Journey of A Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step…Watch this space for my book Back to Love which charts the beginning and unfolding of my Journey and story back to self-love.

Peace & Love

Light πŸ’›

The Sparrow Of Lasting Happiness…

#HappinessIsAFormOfCourage

#ReClaimingHappinessBackToLove

https://linktr.ee/Fromtheheartsoul

Happiness became more fully lit and alive for me this month of August 2020. I realised – and the penny finally dropped- that, just like I fight for, honor, and keep, ever vigilantly, My Inner Peace, I can do likewise with Happiness. So I decided to have that relationship: I decided to make & keep that commitment to Happiness. And as wise souls have observed, the moment I made that decision earlier this week, testy things immediately begun to turn up; like they came, in particular, to reclaim Happiness.

Then I remembered, and calmed myself, having learned from healing experience, that those situations weren’t tests: weren’t the devil trying to wrangle back some kind of control. In making the Happiness Decision, and honoring the commitment, similar to lifting a stagnant rock and an whole hosts of insects running & cutting loose therefrom, so it was with those habitual things. So it was with those habitual ways of thinking, behaving, seeing, being, living & loving…I was seeing that more clearly in those moments; in my no longer wishing to entertain them.

I was seeing right through them and seeing how swiftly they turned up, threatening Lasting Happiness: to undermine and tarry it, especially Age-Old fear transfigured into anxiety, and PTSD anxiety transfigured into terror: always there, ready, to steal My Joy.. to steal My Portion of Joy…we all have our Equal Portions…Mother Nature has no favourites.

Once upon a time I needed those thought and feeling patterns & conditions to survive and keep me psychologically alive…Once upon a time it was safer living small; safer keeping myself to myself; wise to safe-keep My Good and My Joy…

But all that I put behind me; all that I am actively putting behind me… moment to moment, and daily..

No matter what shows up in front of me threatening to make me jump out of my skin, I am going to allow the vulnerability that come with those human experiences- those Existential Givens. I am going to allow vulnerability and seek out proper comfort & safety for it. And once calmed, I’m gonna choose Happiness, over & over & over. I am going to choose Happiness, Over-all.

Yes, I will have emotions about stuff, both positive and negative- just like the weather has all types of weather. I am going to have those occasional stormy weathers and will make an ever greater concerted effort to not “add to” the suffering. As Buddhists says, there is suffering that comes with living in the world, and then there is the (unnecessary) suffering we inadvertently add to that suffering; add to our pain.

The Good News is, it is within our hands to lose that “suffer some more” add on

…When Christ said The Kingdom is at hand, She wasn’t lying…

All we have to more consistently do is move ourselves out of The Way and let Nature & Her Process take & run its course… And when She is done, get back on that Happiness Horse and let it take us wherever it wants: Her Wherever Is, All-Ways-Good

Peace & Love In Flight,

Light…