Here is the second instalment of my new book Inner Life Writes: A Manifesto For RE-Connecting To Love, RE-Newing Your Mind and Radiating Your Light.

There is a Personal Historical Heroine Journey I had to do for me, having experienced Adverse Childhood Experiences, and all the hurt and baggage that comes with it. I had to heal this (psychological) wound so I may Go and Grow on; fulfilling the potential of all that I may- in this time- be. The poem below talks about that wound, and my first book Back to Love shares and tells that journey and story…

Part One: The Personal Historical

The Wise Innocent knows that our lives

are defined not by what happens to

us, but by how we think about what

happens to us.

– Carol S. Pearson, The Hero Within

POEM: Taboo To-Boot

Can I talk of it here?

Hope you don’t squirm in your chair and pretend

not to hear…

I know it can be hard acknowledging someone

else’s pain – especially when yours is exactly

the same.

How many of you have experienced childhood

abuse –

physical, emotional, sexual too?

The great taboos we are most forbidden from disclosing,

especially if the abuse took place in our own houses..

Perhaps it was by thy mother or thy father;

an uncle, an aunt, a sister, a brother –

or some other family member or friend…

shall I go on? You say when.

Or then again, maybe it was all of the above,

the likes of which was carefully coated in sugar sweet love.

Child Abuse, the betrayal of betrayals,

shatters the soul, leaving great big gaping holes

in places that comes to feel it can never be filled,

creating areas in your being where you daren’t let others in.

Not to mention the maddening silence

whereby you are expected to forever refrain

from ever speaking about it, therefore releasing the pain-

the price of which extinguishes your own flame.

And somewhere inside an essential part of you dies,

hidden, buried, abandoned, denied,

as you try to carry on and lead a so called ‘normal life.’

Suffering so, secretly hating yourself,

where nothing feels real, or lasts for long,

and all good feelings are dead and gone.

To cope, you may have forgotten what happened to you;

for this you will never be true..

But,

take heart, dear heart I am here to tell and share-

there are people out there who really do care!

You see, Your Soul can never be totally destroyed;

just realise that you can decide, at any given time,

to recreate Your Life. Such is the Power

that lies within you: to Self-actualise and to thine

own self, be true.

Give yourself another chance; embrace the all

of which you are, for despite the perpetrator’s disgrace,

it wasn’t you who fell from being

an honourable member of the human race.

Refuse to give eyes to their why’s and their lies

of their transgressions – YOU WERE NEVER TO BLAME,

it was their crime against you that made you a shame.

Strengthen your linking influence in the cycle of life by

fighting for Your Rights, making your spirit strong,

and daring to sing your own redemption song.

Honour that part of you that lies tattered and blue

and needs to be recovered, it’s been long overdue.

Now is the time for resurrection –

for some kind of emotional and spiritual correction

– don’t you too pass the buck back down into generations.

Let’s save the babies, our higher ideals,

by cherishing our children and teaching them how

to be real valuable members of the community.

Let’s keep them near and dear to our hearts,

and do our very best to give them good starts,

so they won’t come to be many times defeated in

the race of life.

Cuddle them, talk to them, show them you care;

let them know, if all else fails,

you will always be there.

Teach them also, all that glitters is not gold –

don’t leave them open to the draining and theft of their Souls.

And finally, before I go, know this too –

You can’t truly love someone

if you don’t love you. 

This subject of Childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse is never an easy one to talk on. But as with the saying, feel the fear and do it (the difficult thing) anyway, I feel the shame (not mines), and speak on this issue, anyway! The wound needs to be aired to get true and lasting deep-rooted healing, similar to the principles governing the healing of physical body. We can’t see the psychological, just mostly the impacts: addiction, promiscuity, self-harm, PTSD, Depression, suicide, anxiety, panic attacks, low self-esteem/lack of self-belief, enduring personality disorders, sleeping difficulties, trust issues, to list a few.  Not seeing psychological wounding clearly, does not make it less real, less painful; impacting, harmful.

Peace and Love,

Light..