Back to love…Don’t die with your music still in you 💫💫💫#withselfloveallthingsarepossible
Peace & love,
Peace & Love,
It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Taste of Personal Freedom that comes from exercising the power of choice of how I will respond in all of my life situations.
It feels so good experiencing that Peace of Mind that comes from making up one’s mind to own one’s mind and not give it over to inside & outside malignant force.
It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Serenity of not being whisked off & away into the amygdala brain, which causes the loss of time, essentially those Preciously Sweet Moments of Now.
It feels so good, especially for the likes of me, to have freedom from worry, and from anxiety playing “worse case scenarios” over & over. My Mind is at her Happiest at this time in my life, inspite of the unprecedented presence of corona.
It feels so good to feel so good fervently Claiming “Feel So Good” moment to moment & daily. It feels so good to feel so good without terror riding up behind me and stealing my joy like it used to, once required as a matter of survival.
Damn! It just feels sooo blimming good!!
Peace & Love,
P.s. To get a front row seat of how I came to be more at Peace, in Love & in Joy in my healing & life journey thus far (it’s been a long time coming!), buy my book, Back to love…you will not be disappointed..
Peace & Love,
Good for a re-post…written January 2020…
This year so far feels to be flying by for me. I am still very much on track as far as being committed to Happiness is concerned as well as honing Acceptance and Response Ability. Life can take over, but I’m still in the driving seat with those particular Intentions.
My ongoing Achilles heel is the challenge of relaxing and claiming that stillness. I mean, I am good with that when meditating and love the Very Sweet Deep Peace to be found in that “Within;” but going about my day, I do struggle. I do struggle to do less & be more; to switch doing off and come down into Being, and receive therein, from That Well-Being Source. I know where that comes from…read my book Back to love...But as I write this, I am reminded of a quote by Paulo Ceolho. It goes…
“A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. “
In my instance, it’s a choice repeated more than once is a decision, or a decision yet to be more fully and completely made; my choice being not to relax, especially when needed- especially when opportunities to relax presents itself to me. I think I will do the following exercise to see if I can more uproot this Persistent Visitor (a PTSD trauma response) in my life. Persistent Visitor is a term used by Jack Kornfield in his book A Path With Heart.
This exercise I got from John Welwood in his book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. It is an exercise used to aid The Process of cultivating ever Greater Presence & Capacity To Be With Emotional Experience. We inadvertently add to our (legitimate) suffering when we flee from the emotional and its associated feeling of difficulty and pain. When we flee from the heart’s angst, instead of allowing that angst to flow; to work itself out; to pass; we end up standing in the way of Peace & Joy and all the real & true things in the secret chambers of our hearts, we truly want…
The author works with the following principles in this exercise: Acknowledging, Allowing, Opening & Entering…
I apply this exercise to my difficulty in Allowing myself to settle, relax, let go, and simply Be, with all that IS, Now -inside & out…
I have to Acknowledge that relaxing is a challenge for me, for all the reasons spoken about in my autobiography book, Back to love. Relaxing and letting go is a very daring act as once a upon a time, in my most formative years, relaxing was not a good thing to be doing. Doing so came to mean putting myself in harm’s way. I lived in hypervigilance back then, for survival sake. A survivor response.
I have to Allow that difficulty to be there. I say it again: To Be There. I have to Allow myself to lean into it, as much as I can…Giving Space to difficulty, like the sky Gives Space to the earth to live move and have its being- and all the other planets. We are all, on this earthplane, being Held in that All Encompassing Space…Think about it…We are held-up in no thing, just Space..
I have to Open myself to where the difficult will take me…I have to Trust, by trusting, that Opening to the difficult will be the best thing I could do for my Here & Now Wellbeing. If we can stay long enough with this Opening, we find that as the difficult reaches its peak, there exist, within the angst, The Promise: The Promise & Reward of Sweet Release, from the pain… from the prison of angst..
As I am Entering the difficult, the emotional pain, there is that Space, that Expansion, and the difficult begins to dissipate, to evaporate; to take us beyond…beyond pain to Joy, from wound to wonder…to greater Inner Harmony & Togetherness, that naturally spills out…like The Cup that runneth over..
Take, at a minimum, 15 minutes to try this exercise when you are upset about something, and/or need to relax and get off autopilot. Try for a maximum of 30 minutes- and/or as long as you like. Keep trying this until, like a muscle consistently exercise, this Practice & Way of Being grows, and its benefits soars, from the inside-out.
I am off to do this now and will take this month of March to remember to Practice more concertedly and pointedly, relaxing, into the day, into the task, into the being and the doing of no thing.
Peace & Love,
P.S. On Trauma & Recovery…if interested read my book Back to love…
…She Believed That She Could, So She Did…
Peace & Love,
An update in regards to my Intention to consciously choose Acceptance & Happiness in my life, day by day, moment to moment…
This last week and a half I have been rediscovering Response – Ability. Let me break that down for you, because for me cultivating this Ability, this Life/Spiritual Skill, has been everything, as well as, The Thing, helping and aiding Acceptance & freeing up Inside-out Lasting, Happiness..
Okay, Response-Ability works with the idea that we are in RELATIONSHIP with & to All that we experience in the world- animate and inanimate; objective and subjective. We live in the Universal Land of Cause & Effect, which makes choosing our Responses a Powerful Act..
Taking back The Power we ordinarily, unconsciously, give out by inadvertently allowing life’s situations to push our emotional energetic buttons, dictating how we feel, is a very big deal. For example, one area I have been applying this to, is when I have to go and do a chore related thing around the house…they are not called chore for nothing: they feel like a chore. But, instead of letting that heavy feeling around it change my mood, I consciously, in the moment, in that millisecond “difference-making” gap, I choose to Respond in a light hearted way, re/aligning myself back to the Peace & Joy I Choose to experience each and everyday.
I keep ReTurning, Back to Love: back to that loving base I wish to Live, Move & Have my Being. Very much like the movement in Meditation…keep Returning, Returning, Returning…to that Sacred Centre.
Or when someone gives me attitude, or is rude, and/or is totally self-absorbed, like when I am out on road and people blindly get in my way, I Choose to choose not to give away that Peaceful State that brightens up my day, that I am trying to maintain. And when I give in here and there, I Swiftly Choose to emotional regulate through Self/Acceptance, and Coming Back Again, in Intention..
And if you tend to be hard on yourself for being human and making what you deem ‘mistake,’ forgive yourself, again & again & again…70 × 70 as a Good Book says. Our greatest teacher is our last mistake, so as long as we are learning, we are doing very well.
Anything now that cost me my Peace is way too expensive: that is anything coming from within myself (my own thoughts, feelings & beliefs) and outside myself (others thoughts, feelings & beliefs).
I know this is hard to do during this time of pandemic, and I myself have been on this Back To Love Road for many years, but if we can Practice this kind of discipline, at this time, the reward will be greater both here and now as well as later on down the years. It would be a Great Gift that keeps on Giving, for generations to come, and in any situation we come upon…and/or that comes upon us.
Like I said, I have been revisiting this kind of Response- Ability this past couple of weeks and in so doing I have been seeing very clearly how much Energy Drains there potentially are in this world as I make my way throughout any given day. Without this mindfulness, without this Awareness I can see and understand how, come by the end of the day, even the end of a year, (and a life), how off my game I can become, not to mention discontent and moody as hell.
So, this is where you find me, 20th January 2021..
Still working towards Having, Realising & Living The Best Life Experience Possible…
This One Life to live, ensuring that it is My Life that I am living…
not one based and framed upon the so called “good opinions” of others.
Peace & Love,
Peace & Love,
Peace & Love,
It Is Done…It Is Here…
Follow the link below to purchase…also available at Waterstones, Barnes and noble, Book depository, and other book outlets…
Peace & Love,
My favourite definition of the kind of Acceptance I’m going to speak about here, is as follows…
Acceptance is a conscious choice to drop all forms of resistance to whatever has become present in the moment and making the most of it. Acceptance isn’t about liking or approving of something. It is about letting life flow and unfold without getting in the way.
How to make my way through this blog piece…Okay, so, this morning, 27th December 2020, as I came out of meditation to start my (physical) day, the word Acceptance found me. With all that is going on in the world at this time- this long time, as I thought/hoped/prayed that Covid would be behind us by now, Acceptance crept up on me and sat on my lap, inviting me to re-member her; to refigure her, again, as Centre Piece in my life/my world/ this day. I know the Power of Acceptance, but in this world, and in my internal world also, it can easily slip away.
Allowing Acceptance is much more easier said than done. Try it. Think of something difficult happening in your life right now, or in the past, that you struggled with to begin with, but Accepted in the end- albeit kicking and screaming. Take a minute or two…or three..to think..
Something that you wished so hard would just go away…that you (silently) screamed “no!” “no!” “no!” at. If you run out of ideas, try Covid..
Okay, now try Accepting that something being here, in your world, on your plate..
Stay with me; just try it…let It be…Breathe into letting It be…The wisdom of your body may have already taken a breath, knowing that this is a challenge for us humans…being still with difficulty.
How does that feel? Accepting…
It feels like an insurmountable task, doesn’t it? An incredible ask…like you are asking the impossible; like you are allowing yourself to give in; to give into the situation, to be defeated.. letting the situation win.. doesn’t it?
It feels uncomfortable, wrong, the mind is telling you, with ego jumping up & down & in, wanting you to fight it; to push it away; triumph it; to control it, to flight it, to bury it- SOMETHING. ANYTHING other than Accept it- whatever the difficult thing is.
Let all that resistance BE THERE. Let it be there for a minimum of 30 seconds. Just experience it…experiencing what you are feeling whilst imagining & allowing Acceptance…
Consciously experience what you are feeling at the level of the emotional, Accepting this difficulty that is already in your life, whether you want it to be there or not…Lean gently into the emotional reactivity..
Consciously continue to take those deep breaths, whilst thinking of the thing you wish was not happening.. that you are now trying to Accept, if only for a minute…
Take another deep breath, and let the thing be there, and you with it, after opening the door to it and now inviting it in to sit on a chair at your table…facing it.
Breathe again, let resistance be there, but stay with Acceptance having its way.
If Covid is your example, say say something out loud, or quietly inside, like “Okay; I Accept this/you are here, on my plate, in my/this world. I don’t like it…indeed I HATE it and I wish it/you would go away, but I Accept your being here, in this way…
Okay, how does that feel? can you feel a cool breeze of relief? Of a burden momentarily lifted, off your shoulders? Making you feel lighter?
Did you feel that “impossible” feeling initially…? like this is the absolute hardest of things you have to do…then the hard changing, softening; melting into a feeling of Welcomed Peace-however fleeting?
If not, I invite you to try this exercise again, maybe at a time when you are a little bit more open and less distracted-and/or emotionally overwhelmed…
I so wish for you to experience and know just how unexpectedly freeing Acceptance is…for you to know that we can create that experience for ourselves; that we have That Kind Of Power & Freedom Within Us…
The Power to take that weight off our backs, because we weren’t made to carry that. That weight comes from and belongs to the world. We didn’t bring it with us, and we don’t take it with us when we leave here. We come to Earth weight free; Free is our true nature, I believe.
Our true Spirit is Free, but we lose ourselves daily and moment to moment in a world that has been set up by egoistical greed-based energies skilled in the creation and perpetration of grand illusions, for the sole purpose of keeping human beings in a state of self-unknowingness, mental entrapment, and confusion. In that mental and psychological malaise and prison, we are disabled, unable to clearly see who or what is the true source of all that ails us; of that which stands in the way of evolution and true progress. An energetic Anti-life movement, however dressed up in gladrags.
The egotistical greed-based powers that be is financially invested in keeping us unhappy and in bondage so it may tell us what we need and sell us said “remedy.” Power corrupt and made perverse.
Acceptance is important and I am going to try setting Acceptance in my mind at every turn, everyday, especially at this Coronavirus time. I know it is going to take incredible focus, but, amongst other things, I am a Capricorn and we love a good mountain to (forever) climb (smiles). I am happy to be the guy who shares the Vision & Delights as seen from mountaintops…and Testify: testify that we were made for bigger and better things than this, I believe. We are made for greatness; to create great things for the world and for ourselves.
An example in case; think about the human body…think about how harmoniously miraculously intricately it works…it’s truly mindbogglingly when you really think about it! No one can convince me that that incredible piece of work was/is by accident. No one can convince me that there is no Divine –meaning supremely sophisticated & highly organised– Intelligence at work in this world!!
I have already written the word Acceptance in big letters and have it hanging on a wall in a place where I get to see it -and be reminded of it, everyday
I Accept that Covid-19 is here. I Accept the inner and outer disturbance, fear, terror and painful uncertainty it creates in its midst.
I Accept other tricky situations in my life at this time…and those to come. .especially as I continue on this Path; on this Climb. Especially when my book Back to Love is released 7th January 2021.
And the most daring thought of all, I Accept death. Death comes to us all. Death accompanies life. In death-denying cultures we are always somehow just getting to know this, as if for the first time, even though its been fact for the longest: since the beginning of humankinds existence on this Planet. Even the word Planet, has Nature’s Divine Intelligence Plan in it.
Living in a death-denying culture, I therefore Accept the terror and difficulty of Accepting death. I say that again, I also Accept the terror and difficulty of Accepting death. And I attempt to take the sting out of the reality tail of death by living and loving like tomorrow’s not promised. I allow death to teach & give me – as only death can- instruction on how to LIVE..LIFE…NOW, in Gratitude, not at some future time that may never arrive.
I Accept the struggle to Accept. I Accept when I forget to Accept. I Accept when I don’t feel like Accepting. And I pray that when I am finding it impossible to Accept, that before long I will remember how Freeing and Peaceful Acceptance felt- how warm her embrace; then pick myself up, dust myself off, and get right back on Acceptance’s track.
If I can achieve making Acceptance a more easy and effortless way of being and experiencing reality, I would have achieved a lot. So that is my one and only Intention, from this day forward, and going into 2021.
To feel freed up more often than not, to truly appreciate and enjoy my lot, that would be everything: That would be Present living, a Gift that Keeps On, Giving.
On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being very little Acceptance and 10 being Acceptance in abundance (lol) I would say currently whilst writing this I am a 4. In regards to a previous blog I wrote on Happiness, I am still committed to that, but Acceptance keeps my Happiness Cup full, so I will continue to blog on Acceptance & Happiness as I Journey through the coming New Year. I will also be creating a monthly Newsletter which these Intentions will be a Regular Feature.
Please forward your email addresses if you wish to Journey with me and receive these types of Updates: Happiness Cup Full-Up Dates (smiles).
So, as we draw a close to 2020, I wish us all- and the world- better health, improved Peace & Joy, along with the Realisation of how precious life is; our time is; our relationships are, our blessings are, having had these things severely threatened, compromised and tested throughout this unprecedented year of 2020, with its suffering upon suffering upon suffering…Global Complex Trauma…which we are all still quite a way off from processing and healing.
In this meantime, I Pray that we may live more under the Influence & affluence of Grace, in Gratitude & Reverence, of Life, Love, Equality & Liberty.
Peace & Love, Always,
Let The Count Down Begin..
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Peace & Love,
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Peace & Love,
The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman. Malcolm X
What Do Black Women Want?
What Does Black African American, Caribbean Women Want?
From the world, what She wants is to be equally valued, respected, treated fairly, as everything human came out of Her and Returns to Her, though the world steals from Her, carbon copy Her, without credit; with no shame. Like slavery days, when it was okay to beat Her, vilify Her, AND allow Her to feed your child from Her breast…which tells me, deep down, you know Her true worth..as the following quote says..
The soul has no secret that the behaviour does not reveal. Lao Tzu
Deep in your soul, you know; deep in the world’s soul, it knows…
You can’t keep a Good Woman down.
From Her white Sistreens, especially in the world of work, What the Black Woman Wants from you is for you to stop taking Her assertiveness and Her fight against injustice, so personally!
When She is targeted and gets caught up in it-in the isms & kisms, stop calling that aggressive! Own that aggression that the hand of privilege has raised you up on; then come again, corrected, then maybe we can become more united and together truly work towards the dismantlement of women hating patriarchy.
And from the Brothers, don’t get it twisted, before all this came to be, We existed, as One, in a Garden called Bliss, made in Love’s Image; joined together as Foundation of Ancient Civilisation & Beyond. Founding Mothers & Fathers. As it was in the beginning, so shall it be Above. So embrace Her, don’t chase Her away, She’s your complimentary and needs you in all kinds of ways, as your struggle mirrors hers & is one of the same.
If you hate on Her and deliberately choose as your pride Other than Her, know that (unconsciously) you are throwing shade and hating on yourself and on your race.
Choose another if you wish, just don’t solely base that decision on wanting to get away with shit, by playing “guilt trip,” and placing the Other on it…I will leave it there. As Bob Marley said, “If the cap fits, wear it;” if it don’t, there won’t be no need for defensiveness.
And to Us Sisters, please feel allowed to lay down your arms, at necessary times, and do away with completely living out the myth of the strong black woman. That you most definitely are, but you are also very human. So stop acting as if you can do it all by yourself and don’t need no one else, least of all a man. That talk is just hurt and disappointment. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, I promise you, all hell won’t break loose. I know being vulnerable is difficult to do in a world where you are being constantly assaulted, overlooked and abused. But for wellbeing sake you simply have to. You’re tired. Tired makes us miserable.
And in regards to being parents, let’s all the more raise our boys to be grown men, as in our love for him and how mistreated He too is in this world, we can unconsciously overcompensate, getting in the way of his growth, treating Him as eternal little boy. And as young men and grown men, when they fall, and/or the world knocks them down, don’t rush to go pick them; help them to Rise Up themselves. Give them the measuring stick of a King. Help them to experience that kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
And for the Girl Child, don’t weigh her down so early in caregiving responsibility, let her have that room to breathe, to be, to please herself. Teach her self-care by modelling that behaviour yourself: that’s how children learn, not by what you say and don’t do. Equally as important, teach her how to make and keep boundaries. By doing so you will save her from many a broken heart later on and keep her safe from perverts who prowl around childhoods.
As the following quote says about the value of boundaries..
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.
I will leave the topic of hair here (smiles).
This subject is obviously very emotive for me as a Black Woman of African Caribbean Heritage..as a voice still unheard and unreckoned with across the diasporas; relegated to the bottom of many a pile. But I smile, cos, you see, given a choice, I would still come back into this world as me, as there is a certain wisdom that comes from being in that bottom of the pile position; to quote Harriet Lerner,
In relationships between dominant and subordinate groups, the subordinate group members always possess a far greater understanding of the dominant group members and their culture than vice versa.
I do not claim to speak for all Black Women. I speak from my experience of being one. And I speak from all the Black Women who have peopled my world, past and present. I write this piece to provide some clarity to those truly interested in knowing What Black Women Wants. This question has already been mused generically based primarily on White European Women wants & needs, but as you can see, as sisters, the world has made our needs and wants very different.
I have also created this piece as tribute, a tribute I believe Black women are incredibly worthy and deserving of. So when inspiration struck this week during my morning jog, I quickly had to put pen to page and overarchingly say,
You BLack Woman Are Beautiful, Original, Phenomenal..
You, We deserve to be here! Here & equally cherished, protected, loved, revered!
You have been Instrumental in the making of this world!!
Life Sees You and Knows Your Intrinsic Value. I say that again,
Life Sees You and Knows Your Intrinsic Value.
My Sister, Mother of all mothers,
I SALUTE YOU!!!
Peace & Love,
I had a dream last night
that I died and The Lord
asked me, why?
Why when I was alive I
And all the excuses that had once
served me well, now didn’t mean a thing,
because in Truth? I never dared
go out on That limb,
to the place the Lord later shared, held
her most precious fruits-
a place where I never could lose.
I cried that night, deep, bitter tears of regret,
then tears of Joy when I arose, and realised
there was still time, yet.
And never again did I forget
to re-member myself-and respond
to The Call to Share and Express,
those God, Given, Talents.
Peace & Love,
Peace & Love,
Back to Love, (also known- experientially, as Black to Love).
Covid-19 spelling the above out very clearly & poignantly at this unprecedented time…
BACK2LOVE: AVAILABLE NOW!
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Peace & Love,
Denise James- aka, Light..💛