"When Love first tasted the lips of being human, it started to sing." Rumi.
This Song, this Blog, is My voice, and My truth. A First Generation Black British Woman's Truth...The Tune of which, I Joyously Dance to....
It is my belief that as a species we are called to Rise Up and Realise ourselves as the Humane Beings we are made to be...The Ones that, In The Beginning, Love was so totally smitten with, Knowing Full Well Our Essence & Potential.
My Invitation to you here, on this Blog, is for us to get together in greater numbers and Dare To Live The Life Imagined ...and Rejoin the UniVerse in Peace & Love Song & Most True Self Dance...
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Peace & love,
Oftentimes, and in the old days, Fathers, you were relegated to the sidelines of Family Life; to the back of things, with the world not fully grasping that your input is equally needed and valued..
Only you can Protect in that Super-Powered way: the one that keeps predators away, keeping children safe.
I wish you can see how much children needs you and how children can suffer so without your Divine Presence and involvement. This I say to All fathers.
For the Black father, in particular, the African, Caribbean, British, Nubian, my heart bleeds for you, and mostly bleeds because in the Western world your power has been trampled on & taken away…
Your influence, ripped from under you, especially when we were slaves, its impacts still very visible today..
There is nothing more I want to see, than the brothers standing tall in this society, reclaiming and cherishing his family, taking back up that Reverency.
Please, my brothers, come back home. Our younguns miss & needs you so. They need that baritone voice that lets us & the world knows, exactly where the lines are drawn…to help us love ourselves, and our reflections.
Just like slavery, crack/cocaine came in the 80s to destroy our souls, no one watches that, no one does the maths…In the Americas it came, to Britain too, and the Caribbean..
But this black woman, this Sistah, this mother of sons, and aunts of daughters, loves you so, and those of you gone AWOL, Come back home…back home and seated in place for re/generation..
Children are naturally forgiving. They just want their parents to see them, love them, teach them, spend time with them, keep them in line, give them that self-love and self-confidence they need in this life, to avoid being twice defeated in the race, as Black African peoples. Please believe, ITS NEVER TO LATE..
It’s never to late, if you’ve lost touch, to put in the work. And if your children won’t let you correct your mistakes, because its taking them a minute or two to forgive your lack of previous involvement, there are many other unfathered boys and girls in need of your kind of your time, your care, and protection.
We need the black mother and father, together again, and United; loving each other, visibly, so our children can internalise how black love looks, loves, feels, acts. Brothers & Sistahs Let’s stop tearing each of up!
Too much inner city trauma and blues. Now is the time to choose: to choose what’s best for the children..
So Daddies, come back home, to the fold, and let us, the black family unit, pick up where slavery plucked us, and our true stories left off…
Pick up and put ourselves map on The Map of Founding Mothers & Fathers, as Nature- not us- Planned it.
Prodigal Father, Come Home, the younguns needs you so!
It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Taste of Personal Freedom that comes from exercising the power of choice of how I will respond in all of my life situations.
It feels so good experiencing that Peace of Mind that comes from making up one’s mind to own one’s mind and not give it over to inside & outside malignant force.
It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Serenity of not being whisked off & away into the amygdala brain, which causes the loss of time, essentially those Preciously Sweet Moments of Now.
It feels so good, especially for the likes of me, to have freedom from worry, and from anxiety playing “worse case scenarios” over & over. My Mind is at her Happiest at this time in my life, inspite of the unprecedented presence of corona.
It feels so good to feel so good fervently Claiming “Feel So Good” moment to moment & daily. It feels so good to feel so good without terror riding up behind me and stealing my joy like it used to, once required as a matter of survival.
Damn! It just feels sooo blimming good!!
Peace & Love,
P.s. To get a front row seat of how I came to be more at Peace, in Love & in Joy in my healing & life journey thus far (it’s been a long time coming!), buy my book, Back to love…you will not be disappointed..
This year so far feels to be flying by for me. I am still very much on track as far as being committed to Happiness is concerned as well as honing Acceptance and Response Ability. Life can take over, but I’m still in the driving seat with those particular Intentions.
My ongoing Achilles heel is the challenge of relaxing and claiming that stillness. I mean, I am good with that when meditating and love the Very Sweet Deep Peace to be found in that “Within;” but going about my day, I do struggle. I do struggle to do less & be more; to switch doing off and come down into Being, and receive therein, from That Well-Being Source. I know where that comes from…read my book Back to love...But as I write this, I am reminded of a quote by Paulo Ceolho. It goes…
“A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. “
In my instance, it’s a choice repeated more than once is a decision, or a decision yet to be more fully and completely made; my choice being not to relax, especially when needed- especially when opportunities to relax presents itself to me. I think I will do the following exercise to see if I can more uproot this Persistent Visitor (a PTSD trauma response) in my life. Persistent Visitor is a term used by Jack Kornfield in his book A Path With Heart.
This exercise I got from John Welwood in his book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. It is an exercise used to aid The Process of cultivating ever Greater Presence & Capacity To Be With Emotional Experience. We inadvertently add to our (legitimate) suffering when we flee from the emotional and its associated feeling of difficulty and pain. When we flee from the heart’s angst, instead of allowing that angst to flow; to work itself out; to pass; we end up standing in the way of Peace & Joy and all the real & true things in the secret chambers of our hearts, we truly want…
The author works with the following principles in this exercise: Acknowledging, Allowing, Opening & Entering…
I apply this exercise to my difficulty in Allowing myself to settle, relax, let go, and simply Be, with all that IS, Now -inside & out…
I have to Acknowledge that relaxing is a challenge for me, for all the reasons spoken about in my autobiography book, Back to love. Relaxing and letting go is a very daring act as once a upon a time, in my most formative years, relaxing was not a good thing to be doing. Doing so came to mean putting myself in harm’s way. I lived in hypervigilance back then, for survival sake. A survivor response.
I have to Allow that difficulty to be there. I say it again: To Be There. I have to Allow myself to lean into it, as much as I can…Giving Space to difficulty, like the sky Gives Space to the earth to live move and have its being- and all the other planets. We are all, on this earthplane, being Held in that All Encompassing Space…Think about it…We are held-up in no thing, just Space..
I have to Open myself to where the difficult will take me…I have to Trust, by trusting, that Opening to the difficult will be the best thing I could do for my Here & Now Wellbeing. If we can stay long enough with this Opening, we find that as the difficult reaches its peak, there exist, within the angst, The Promise: The Promise & Reward of Sweet Release, from the pain… from the prison of angst..
As I am Entering the difficult, the emotional pain, there is that Space, that Expansion, and the difficult begins to dissipate, to evaporate; to take us beyond…beyond pain to Joy, from wound to wonder…to greater Inner Harmony & Togetherness, that naturally spills out…like The Cup that runneth over..
Take, at a minimum, 15 minutes to try this exercise when you are upset about something, and/or need to relax and get off autopilot. Try for a maximum of 30 minutes- and/or as long as you like. Keep trying this until, like a muscle consistently exercise, this Practice & Way of Being grows, and its benefits soars, from the inside-out.
I am off to do this now and will take this month of March to remember to Practice more concertedly and pointedly, relaxing, into the day, into the task, into the being and the doing of no thing.
Peace & Love,
P.S. On Trauma & Recovery…if interested read my book Back to love…
The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman. Malcolm X
What Do Black Women Want?
What Does Black African American, Caribbean Women Want?
From the world, what She wants is to be equally valued, respected, treated fairly, as everything human came out of Her and Returns to Her, though the world steals from Her, carbon copy Her, without credit; with no shame. Like slavery days, when it was okay to beat Her, vilify Her, AND allow Her to feed your child from Her breast…which tells me, deep down, you know Her true worth..as the following quote says..
The soul has no secret that the behaviour does not reveal. Lao Tzu
Deep in your soul, you know; deep in the world’s soul, it knows…
You can’t keep a Good Woman down.
From Her white Sistreens, especially in the world of work, What the Black Woman Wants from you is for you to stop taking Her assertiveness and Her fight against injustice, so personally!
When She is targeted and gets caught up in it-in the isms & kisms, stop calling that aggressive! Own that aggression that the hand of privilege has raised you up on; then come again, corrected, then maybe we can become more united and together truly work towards the dismantlement of women hating patriarchy.
And from the Brothers, don’t get it twisted, before all this came to be, We existed, as One, in a Garden called Bliss, made in Love’s Image; joined together as Foundation of Ancient Civilisation & Beyond. Founding Mothers & Fathers. As it was in the beginning, so shall it be Above. So embrace Her, don’t chase Her away, She’s your complimentary and needs you in all kinds of ways, as your struggle mirrors hers & is one of the same.
If you hate on Her and deliberately choose as your pride Other than Her, know that (unconsciously) you are throwing shade and hating on yourself and on your race.
Choose another if you wish, just don’t solely base that decision on wanting to get away with shit, by playing “guilt trip,” and placing the Other on it…I will leave it there. As Bob Marley said, “If the cap fits, wear it;” if it don’t, there won’t be no need for defensiveness.
And to Us Sisters, please feel allowed to lay down your arms, at necessary times, and do away with completely living out the myth of the strong black woman. That you most definitely are, but you are also very human. So stop acting as if you can do it all by yourself and don’t need no one else, least of all a man. That talk is just hurt and disappointment. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, I promise you, all hell won’t break loose. I know being vulnerable is difficult to do in a world where you are being constantly assaulted, overlooked and abused. But for wellbeing sake you simply have to. You’re tired. Tired makes us miserable.
And in regards to being parents, let’s all the more raise our boys to be grown men, as in our love for him and how mistreated He too is in this world, we can unconsciously overcompensate, getting in the way of his growth, treating Him as eternal little boy. And as young men and grown men, when they fall, and/or the world knocks them down, don’t rush to go pick them up; help them to Rise Up themselves. Give them the measuring stick of a King. Help them to experience that kind of self-fulfilling prophecy.
And for the Girl Child, don’t weigh her down so early in caregiving responsibility, let her have that room to breathe, to be, to please herself. Teach her self-care by modelling that behaviour yourself: that’s how children learn, not by what you say and don’t do. Equally as important, teach her how to make and keep boundaries. By doing so you will save her from many a broken heart later on and keep her safe from perverts who prowl around childhoods.
As the following quote says about the value of boundaries..
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.
I will leave the topic of hair here (smiles).
This subject is obviously very emotive for me as a Black Woman of African Caribbean Heritage..as a voice still unheard and unreckoned with across the diasporas; relegated to the bottom of many a pile. But I smile, cos, you see, given a choice, I would still come back into this world as me, as there is a certain wisdom that comes from being in that bottom of the pile position; to quote Harriet Lerner,
In relationships between dominant and subordinate groups, the subordinate group members always possess a far greater understanding of the dominant group members and their culture than vice versa.
I do not claim to speak for all Black Women. I speak from my experience of being one. And I speak from all the Black Women who have peopled my world, past and present. I write this piece to provide some clarity to those truly interested in knowing What Black Women Wants. This question has already been mused generically based primarily on White European Women wants & needs, but as you can see, as sisters, the world has made our needs and wants very different.
I have also created this piece as tribute, a tribute I believe Black women are incredibly worthy and deserving of. So when inspiration struck this week during my morning jog, I quickly had to put pen to page and overarchingly say,
You BLack Woman Are Beautiful, Original, Phenomenal..
You, We deserve to be here! Here & equally cherished, protected, loved, revered!
You have been Instrumental in the making of this world!!
Life Sees You and Knows Your Intrinsic Value. I say that again,