This piece of writing below is taken from my latest book Inner Life Writes: A Manifesto for Re-connecting to love, Re-newing Your mind and Radiating Your Light.
It speaks on a way of being which is suited to the more introverted side of my nature; to my creative & visionary spirit, as well as suited to the elemental ways of being and coping via dissociation born out of Childhood trauma. A quote says it is never too late to be all that we may be. Trauma may have shaped me, but The Spirit of True Love informs The Whole of me, and as such, makes All Things Possible, even living a great life after a not too great start that I totally now embrace and would never change!
What I am going to talk about here is a going Down that happens when I ain’t been around for myself: when I live upstairs in my head for too long.
I love living and being up there, playing with ideas, working at my dreams, reading books, honing my craft of true self-development and my life’s work as a therapist helping to bring people back home to themselves: bringing them back to loving and appreciating themselves and honouring who they truly are, outside of the good opinions of others. I love all that, I do. The problem is that I can stay up there, in my head, way too long and to the extent that I get lost and, in the process, lose grounding in my body and contact with myself on that important level.
I lose ground and a certain part of me gets Down because I ain’t around; I’m missing in thought. It gets so that I come to be way too far from home, like a young person who has been absent outdoors way past the time they have been allowed and now they are afraid to come home and face consequence. That’s how it can get for me, and it does not help that historically and developmentally I was not taught to self-regulate and ‘wind down’ – there were no reliable adults at home or around to provide that much needed well-being life lesson education. No responsible adults sufficiently at home within themselves, let alone at night-time, or during daytime, where in their company I could feel safe enough to trust going into that kind of restful slumber rejuvenate state.
The world, especially at night-time, was not a safe enough place for me to relax and comfortably be with myself like that. Through no fault of my own, I missed that class. I know my current ongoing struggle in this area of my life roots back there, but I need to address this area of difficulty as it is having a bearing on my well-being; its effects are spiralling, and I am not getting any younger. I still have adventures I want to experience so I need my health, strength and vitality, and this fear of Coming Down needs to dissolve…
Not being able to relax and let go is taking a toll on my moods and my relationship with food, not to mention what goes on in the crazy world of peri-menopausal. With regard to my relationship with food, I am an emotional eater, and, because of a certain past, food took on magical powers in my impressionable young mind years back; the magical power of giving my days focus, therefore, helping me try to overlook -and better live with-the miserable turns my childhood lanes took.
The magical power of having something potentially nurturing and nourishing to look forward to, especially waking in the mornings and arriving back into an uncared for reality, sweetened the blow. The magical power of anaesthetising painful troubled feelings whenever tasty food treats and I were in each other’s company, momentarily hit The Love-Starved Emptiness Spot.
As a little girl I so loved my sweets! As a child, I couldn’t quite get enough of it… like now with my sugary teas. As an adult, I want to emotionally eat when I am tired and finding it ever so hard to wind down and take that much needed rest of an evening, becoming instead like a visibly tired child who feverishly fights sleep not wanting the day to end but stay up and see, ‘What else?’ “What next?” “Can a mummy come put me to bed?”
Additionally, I tend to want to emotionally overeat when I have taken on too much and given out too much emotional energy, attempting to make it up to myself with a tasty treat, much like a busy and tired mummy tries to distract and pacify her child with sweets and all manner of things, when all her child truly needs, is her very good company. Like that busy mummy, in place of giving that special time to myself, I give that part of me delicious food treats instead. I read on social media the other day:
Stop the glorification of busy.
Very true that. Yes, bills need to be paid, but equally, and now I unceasingly believe, more importantly, Inner lights need to shine; lives need to be lived and be lived to one’s fullest, seen as tomorrow is not promised! Well, my life does anyway. It’s in my diviner genes; I can’t shake it.
So, as such, I need to face and learn the Coming Down back to ground life lesson and live my life in more body-mind balance, in true essence.
P.S. I am doing much better in these areas of my life. I don’t emotionally eat anymore- cutting down/out sugar and reducing carbs have helped significantly, as well as exercise. I am also doing better with winding down and living & being more in the moment, especially of an evening. I am also making great headway in simplifying my life overall and avoiding the busy busy busy dehumanising spirit.
People, never give up on your Dreams, even if all that Dream is being a better version of yourself: embodying your more authentic self. Even if that Dream is living your best life experience possible. Even if that Dream just is for more lasting peace and joy as you move through your Blessed Days here on planet earth.
Whatever your Dream is, Just Do It!
Here’s the links for my two books in the Back to love series. They can be purchased at all book selling outlets worldwide. Soon to be on audio👉🏾📚
Peace & Love,
Light..