Here is the second instalment of my new book Inner Life Writes: A Manifesto For RE-Connecting To Love, RE-Newing Your Mind and Radiating Your Light.

There is a Personal Historical Heroine Journey I had to do for me, having experienced Adverse Childhood Experiences, and all the hurt and baggage that comes with it. I had to heal this (psychological) wound so I may Go and Grow on; fulfilling the potential of all that I may- in this time- be. The poem below talks about that wound, and my first book Back to Love shares and tells that journey and story…

Part One: The Personal Historical

The Wise Innocent knows that our lives

are defined not by what happens to

us, but by how we think about what

happens to us.

– Carol S. Pearson, The Hero Within

POEM: Taboo To-Boot

Can I talk of it here?

Hope you don’t squirm in your chair and pretend

not to hear…

I know it can be hard acknowledging someone

else’s pain – especially when yours is exactly

the same.

How many of you have experienced childhood

abuse –

physical, emotional, sexual too?

The great taboos we are most forbidden from disclosing,

especially if the abuse took place in our own houses..

Perhaps it was by thy mother or thy father;

an uncle, an aunt, a sister, a brother –

or some other family member or friend…

shall I go on? You say when.

Or then again, maybe it was all of the above,

the likes of which was carefully coated in sugar sweet love.

Child Abuse, the betrayal of betrayals,

shatters the soul, leaving great big gaping holes

in places that comes to feel it can never be filled,

creating areas in your being where you daren’t let others in.

Not to mention the maddening silence

whereby you are expected to forever refrain

from ever speaking about it, therefore releasing the pain-

the price of which extinguishes your own flame.

And somewhere inside an essential part of you dies,

hidden, buried, abandoned, denied,

as you try to carry on and lead a so called ‘normal life.’

Suffering so, secretly hating yourself,

where nothing feels real, or lasts for long,

and all good feelings are dead and gone.

To cope, you may have forgotten what happened to you;

for this you will never be true..

But,

take heart, dear heart I am here to tell and share-

there are people out there who really do care!

You see, Your Soul can never be totally destroyed;

just realise that you can decide, at any given time,

to recreate Your Life. Such is the Power

that lies within you: to Self-actualise and to thine

own self, be true.

Give yourself another chance; embrace the all

of which you are, for despite the perpetrator’s disgrace,

it wasn’t you who fell from being

an honourable member of the human race.

Refuse to give eyes to their why’s and their lies

of their transgressions – YOU WERE NEVER TO BLAME,

it was their crime against you that made you a shame.

Strengthen your linking influence in the cycle of life by

fighting for Your Rights, making your spirit strong,

and daring to sing your own redemption song.

Honour that part of you that lies tattered and blue

and needs to be recovered, it’s been long overdue.

Now is the time for resurrection –

for some kind of emotional and spiritual correction

– don’t you too pass the buck back down into generations.

Let’s save the babies, our higher ideals,

by cherishing our children and teaching them how

to be real valuable members of the community.

Let’s keep them near and dear to our hearts,

and do our very best to give them good starts,

so they won’t come to be many times defeated in

the race of life.

Cuddle them, talk to them, show them you care;

let them know, if all else fails,

you will always be there.

Teach them also, all that glitters is not gold –

don’t leave them open to the draining and theft of their Souls.

And finally, before I go, know this too –

You can’t truly love someone

if you don’t love you. 

This subject of Childhood abuse, especially sexual abuse is never an easy one to talk on. But as with the saying, feel the fear and do it (the difficult thing) anyway, I feel the shame (not mines), and speak on this issue, anyway! The wound needs to be aired to get true and lasting deep-rooted healing, similar to the principles governing the healing of physical body. We can’t see the psychological, just mostly the impacts: addiction, promiscuity, self-harm, PTSD, Depression, suicide, anxiety, panic attacks, low self-esteem/lack of self-belief, enduring personality disorders, sleeping difficulties, trust issues, to list a few.  Not seeing psychological wounding clearly, does not make it less real, less painful; impacting, harmful.

Peace and Love,

Light..

https://innersideout.net

Peace & Love,

Light..

P.s. #PartofTheSoulutionsParty

Don’t die with Your Music still in you!

Peace & Love,

Light..

Love Is Life

Love Is For Life,

Not just for St- Tek yuh money- Valentines🤗

Peace & Love,

Light..

Sometimes, when you hit a Cross

Road… a Hard Road,

And have been on Road

Quite a while..

Sometimes,

You gotta Come Off Road,

Go Self- Explore…

Innerstand…Re-Direct Your Course.

I know, I’ve done so.

You Have To Do Some Big-

At First Scary- Ting,

At those Places;

Or, forever remain,

Loss to Self In Our World…

In this Cra Cra Wise & Wonder Full World.

Lost in Our Stories…then,

The Grave. Change!

The One Life To Live

On The One Road Called Life…

So, what’s Your Pleasure?

What’s Your Adventure?

Permission Granted, if needed,

To Please Your Good Self..

And Live…

Your LionHearted Tale;

Your Magnificent Myth-

Irrespective of what goes on in This world We Together Live,

Move & Have Our Being.

Peace & Love,

Light..

As Marcus Garvey said, without CONFIDENCE the black child/adult is twice defeated in the race of life. It is a political act raising confident black children, and in so doing, counteracting Internalised Racism, the kind brought to attention in the infamous “black doll white doll” experiment. The black doll white doll experiment, first carried out in 1940’s, still yields similar results today. See the YouTube video at the end of this blog.

By the time both black and white children reach age 3, racism-especially in the cementation of the black child/adult self-hatred and the white child/ adult white superiority complex- have settled into un/consciousness for the night, but does not have to be so for life/times.

In my book, Back to love, released early this year, as part of my psychological healing, I write about how I suffiently undone my own systematic internalised racism, and in so doing, afforded myself a more real, true and complete recovery, one that blew me way out of “statistic” into the land of sweet milk & honey. I got back in the race and am running it pretty well with lots of Self-Confidence today!

Ain’t no stopping me now! Which reminds me of that McFadden & Whitehead tune: Ain’t No Stopping Us Now. Love it (smiles).

There is still that little 3-year-old and 11-year-old girl inside me who swallowed wholesale what the world told her she was and the inferior place she should occupy in the world. But I continue to nurture & nourish her Well, feeding her thoughts of How Great Thou Are…Thou Art… The same Nourishment I fed my sons and I feed all my relations, and counselling clients.

Like already mentioned- and to me, obviously, white children are also impacted by internalised racism, which psychologically hurts them as well, as most human beings, in their right minds knows, no race is superior to others. Fact. The perpetrated miseducation of white supremacy can be relatively dismantled, especially in education, and most definitely in the home, where it first takes Impressionable Hold. The human being’s first society is The Family/Home…remember, in the experiment these children were only 3 years old..

To well-meaning white folks, do not dwell in guilt for long, especially if you are not actively and consciously doing wrong. Guilt is there to change behaviour and keep us Morally Well. Our Consciences-our Internal High Court House, pushes through feelings of guilt to keep human beings in check. Though human beings, even as children, have a natural conscience, when it comes to the indoctrination of internalised racism, conscience is thrown out of balance, and working order.

As babies we arrive into a broken world & its systems. On the macroscopic scale the system- a friend of mines calls the shitstem, is still in desperate need of healing & recovery itself. Let yourself Face & Feel the guilt of the good feelings derived from feeling/being privileged…you did not first make that a thing, but you can release that now and come back down on more equal footing & ground, and in so doing, keep Progress and Personal & Collective Growth Moving…You can’t have one foot in and the other out, depending on circumstance; depending on when push comes to shove.

The Pandemic is here to Wake Up…don’t fall back into an ignorance that is only bliss in the land of privilege. Also, please allow black folks to talk as long as they need to feel heard & have the ongoing pain & present day hurt acknowledged : that’s how trauma is healed. Being Pro-black does not mean being anti-white. I’m tired of feeling I have to state this matter of fact.

WE ARE OUR BROTHER & SISTERS KEEPERS. We cannot Progress without LIVING THIS HUMANE ACT… Neither can Planet Earth…simple mathematics…not rocket science.

The Totally Unsubstantiated White Supremacy Myth- which some have argued, and I agree, to be a malignant addiction, is a fallacy. White supremacy is a malignant addiction to a false high: to a self-esteem fix, a fix that tries to assuage the racist’s largely unconscious & deep-seated feelings of Inferiority. It is therapy that the racist belief system needs, not the blood sweat and tears of black folks. Building self-esteem off scapegoated black folks to feel good about themselves and gain some meaning & purpose in their confused & twisted unhappy inner world, I believe, is on its last legs. The Racist’s blatant inhumanity to hueman stands in the way of said Progress. Life moves forwards, not backwards.

I believe racism is 100 Percent a Personality Disorder & one day it- and all deviant acts arising out of the delusion that it is- will be classified on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Racism, to my mind, is a derisive and divisive dis-Order of mind and just like an out of control aggressive cancer, rips and tears a-part: turns the human organism upon and against itself. In the Western World, that cancer, that is racism, has been infecting societal institutions for long enough. It is time to cut it out: and it is time to cut out pretending that you/we don’t see it. Time to rock that boat! The time is undeniable Now.

Life, in its true essence & by its very nature, is benevolent, not malignant; is Unifying, not dividing. It does not have hatred in its body & make-up. And we have been made in that Imagine & Likeness, should we humans work daily to keep Real-Eyes–In. As Rumi puts it beautifully:

You Are Not A Drop In The Ocean. You Are The Entire Ocean In A Drop..

OUT OF ONE, MANY.

May we stop selling ourselves short..

https://theconversation.com/what-i-learned-when-i-recreated-the-famous-doll-test-that-looked-at-how-black-kids-see-race-153780

Peace & Love,

Light..

Living Life to the fullest, however I find myself, means, at this time, fully embracing existential angst & trauma triggers.

That reminder helped me just now to feel, even at a low, that Life remains good, and needs no fixing- just embracing & accepting, knowing Life has its seasons..

So I don’t have to Positive away my blues today. This too shall pass, so gotta ride this emotional storm out, and trust Daybreak – in Her Clarifying Steadfastness, to bring me back to Bliss..

The Ground on which my one true Spirit lives…in its Naturalness…So, I hold to This, as an infant in need of nourishment holds to its mother’s breast, hoping to be fed, on its way to rest…

One of my favourite quote says, “A heart that has learned to trust can be at rest in the world.”

Past trauma/triggers can have you, for mere survival (back then), believing this world cannot be trusted, so it’s best not to relax and let your guard down..

Turning mistrust around has been some kinda Journey; nevertheless, a Journey I remain on, and remain 💯 committed to. Love help/s me..

Peace & Love,

Light..

Learning and daring to Live, More, Simply…Got to simplify.. Earth is hurting…

Earth is paying dearly for our poor choices that cost Her daily; working, mindlessly, against Her….

like we can just eat & eat & eat off of Her, and it won’t deplete Her…And Us.
We take too much and give back little…Us

humans..

Signed: Your/Our Life..

P.s..It’s “Wake-up-Now 0 Clock.”

Peace & Love,

Light…

Live & Let Live..

Love & Let Love Be, In Its Diversity..

Home

Peace & Love,

Light..

Back to love…Don’t die with your music still in you 💫💫💫#withselfloveallthingsarepossible
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1913479552/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_TUtTFbMRGPEMQ
https://linktr.ee/Fromtheheartsoul

Peace & love,

Light..

https://linktr.ee/Fromtheheartsoul

Peace & Love,

Light..

It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Taste of Personal Freedom that comes from exercising the power of choice of how I will respond in all of my life situations.

It feels so good experiencing that Peace of Mind that comes from making up one’s mind to own one’s mind and not give it over to inside & outside malignant force.

It feels so good experiencing the Sweet Serenity of not being whisked off & away into the amygdala brain, which causes the loss of time, essentially those Preciously Sweet Moments of Now.

It feels so good, especially for the likes of me, to have freedom from worry, and from anxiety playing “worse case scenarios” over & over. My Mind is at her Happiest at this time in my life, inspite of the unprecedented presence of corona.

It feels so good to feel so good fervently Claiming “Feel So Good” moment to moment & daily. It feels so good to feel so good without terror riding up behind me and stealing my joy like it used to, once required as a matter of survival.

Damn! It just feels sooo blimming good!!

Peace & Love,

Light…

P.s. To get a front row seat of how I came to be more at Peace, in Love & in Joy in my healing & life journey thus far (it’s been a long time coming!), buy my book, Back to love…you will not be disappointed..

Peace & Love,

Light..