In This World, Happiness is an act of courage…Be EnCouraged🤗
This year so far feels to be flying by for me. I am still very much on track as far as being committed to Happiness is concerned as well as honing Acceptance and Response Ability. Life can take over, but I’m still in the driving seat with those particular Intentions.
My ongoing Achilles heel is the challenge of relaxing and claiming that stillness. I mean, I am good with that when meditating and love the Very Sweet Deep Peace to be found in that “Within;” but going about my day, I do struggle. I do struggle to do less & be more; to switch doing off and come down into Being, and receive therein, from That Well-Being Source. I know where that comes from…read my book Back to love...But as I write this, I am reminded of a quote by Paulo Ceolho. It goes…
“A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. “
In my instance, it’s a choice repeated more than once is a decision, or a decision yet to be more fully and completely made; my choice being not to relax, especially when needed- especially when opportunities to relax presents itself to me. I think I will do the following exercise to see if I can more uproot this Persistent Visitor (a PTSD trauma response) in my life. Persistent Visitor is a term used by Jack Kornfield in his book A Path With Heart.
This exercise I got from John Welwood in his book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. It is an exercise used to aid The Process of cultivating ever Greater Presence & Capacity To Be With Emotional Experience. We inadvertently add to our (legitimate) suffering when we flee from the emotional and its associated feeling of difficulty and pain. When we flee from the heart’s angst, instead of allowing that angst to flow; to work itself out; to pass; we end up standing in the way of Peace & Joy and all the real & true things in the secret chambers of our hearts, we truly want…
The author works with the following principles in this exercise: Acknowledging, Allowing, Opening & Entering…
I apply this exercise to my difficulty in Allowing myself to settle, relax, let go, and simply Be, with all that IS, Now -inside & out…
I have to Acknowledge that relaxing is a challenge for me, for all the reasons spoken about in my autobiography book, Back to love. Relaxing and letting go is a very daring act as once a upon a time, in my most formative years, relaxing was not a good thing to be doing. Doing so came to mean putting myself in harm’s way. I lived in hypervigilance back then, for survival sake. A survivor response.
I have to Allow that difficulty to be there. I say it again: To Be There. I have to Allow myself to lean into it, as much as I can…Giving Space to difficulty, like the sky Gives Space to the earth to live move and have its being- and all the other planets. We are all, on this earthplane, being Held in that All Encompassing Space…Think about it…We are held-up in no thing, just Space..
I have to Open myself to where the difficult will take me…I have to Trust, by trusting, that Opening to the difficult will be the best thing I could do for my Here & Now Wellbeing. If we can stay long enough with this Opening, we find that as the difficult reaches its peak, there exist, within the angst, The Promise: The Promise & Reward of Sweet Release, from the pain… from the prison of angst..
As I am Entering the difficult, the emotional pain, there is that Space, that Expansion, and the difficult begins to dissipate, to evaporate; to take us beyond…beyond pain to Joy, from wound to wonder…to greater Inner Harmony & Togetherness, that naturally spills out…like The Cup that runneth over..
Take, at a minimum, 15 minutes to try this exercise when you are upset about something, and/or need to relax and get off autopilot. Try for a maximum of 30 minutes- and/or as long as you like. Keep trying this until, like a muscle consistently exercise, this Practice & Way of Being grows, and its benefits soars, from the inside-out.
I am off to do this now and will take this month of March to remember to Practice more concertedly and pointedly, relaxing, into the day, into the task, into the being and the doing of no thing.
Peace & Love,
P.S. On Trauma & Recovery…if interested read my book Back to love…
An update in regards to my Intention to consciously choose Acceptance & Happiness in my life, day by day, moment to moment…
This last week and a half I have been rediscovering Response – Ability. Let me break that down for you, because for me cultivating this Ability, this Life/Spiritual Skill, has been everything, as well as, The Thing, helping and aiding Acceptance & freeing up Inside-out Lasting, Happiness..
Okay, Response-Ability works with the idea that we are in RELATIONSHIP with & to All that we experience in the world- animate and inanimate; objective and subjective. We live in the Universal Land of Cause & Effect, which makes choosing our Responses a Powerful Act..
Taking back The Power we ordinarily, unconsciously, give out by inadvertently allowing life’s situations to push our emotional energetic buttons, dictating how we feel, is a very big deal. For example, one area I have been applying this to, is when I have to go and do a chore related thing around the house…they are not called chore for nothing: they feel like a chore. But, instead of letting that heavy feeling around it change my mood, I consciously, in the moment, in that millisecond “difference-making” gap, I choose to Respond in a light hearted way, re/aligning myself back to the Peace & Joy I Choose to experience each and everyday.
I keep ReTurning, Back to Love: back to that loving base I wish to Live, Move & Have my Being. Very much like the movement in Meditation…keep Returning, Returning, Returning…to that Sacred Centre.
Or when someone gives me attitude, or is rude, and/or is totally self-absorbed, like when I am out on road and people blindly get in my way, I Choose to choose not to give away that Peaceful State that brightens up my day, that I am trying to maintain. And when I give in here and there, I Swiftly Choose to emotional regulate through Self/Acceptance, and Coming Back Again, in Intention..
And if you tend to be hard on yourself for being human and making what you deem ‘mistake,’ forgive yourself, again & again & again…70 × 70 as a Good Book says. Our greatest teacher is our last mistake, so as long as we are learning, we are doing very well.
Anything now that cost me my Peace is way too expensive: that is anything coming from within myself (my own thoughts, feelings & beliefs) and outside myself (others thoughts, feelings & beliefs).
I know this is hard to do during this time of pandemic, and I myself have been on this Back To Love Road for many years, but if we can Practice this kind of discipline, at this time, the reward will be greater both here and now as well as later on down the years. It would be a Great Gift that keeps on Giving, for generations to come, and in any situation we come upon…and/or that comes upon us.
Like I said, I have been revisiting this kind of Response- Ability this past couple of weeks and in so doing I have been seeing very clearly how much Energy Drains there potentially are in this world as I make my way throughout any given day. Without this mindfulness, without this Awareness I can see and understand how, come by the end of the day, even the end of a year, (and a life), how off my game I can become, not to mention discontent and moody as hell.
So, this is where you find me, 20th January 2021..
Still working towards Having, Realising & Living The Best Life Experience Possible…
This One Life to live, ensuring that it is My Life that I am living…
not one based and framed upon the so called “good opinions” of others.
Peace & Love,
My favourite definition of the kind of Acceptance I’m going to speak about here, is as follows…
Acceptance is a conscious choice to drop all forms of resistance to whatever has become present in the moment and making the most of it. Acceptance isn’t about liking or approving of something. It is about letting life flow and unfold without getting in the way.
How to make my way through this blog piece…Okay, so, this morning, 27th December 2020, as I came out of meditation to start my (physical) day, the word Acceptance found me. With all that is going on in the world at this time- this long time, as I thought/hoped/prayed that Covid would be behind us by now, Acceptance crept up on me and sat on my lap, inviting me to re-member her; to refigure her, again, as Centre Piece in my life/my world/ this day. I know the Power of Acceptance, but in this world, and in my internal world also, it can easily slip away.
Allowing Acceptance is much more easier said than done. Try it. Think of something difficult happening in your life right now, or in the past, that you struggled with to begin with, but Accepted in the end- albeit kicking and screaming. Take a minute or two…or three..to think..
Something that you wished so hard would just go away…that you (silently) screamed “no!” “no!” “no!” at. If you run out of ideas, try Covid..
Okay, now try Accepting that something being here, in your world, on your plate..
Stay with me; just try it…let It be…Breathe into letting It be…The wisdom of your body may have already taken a breath, knowing that this is a challenge for us humans…being still with difficulty.
How does that feel? Accepting…
It feels like an insurmountable task, doesn’t it? An incredible ask…like you are asking the impossible; like you are allowing yourself to give in; to give into the situation, to be defeated.. letting the situation win.. doesn’t it?
It feels uncomfortable, wrong, the mind is telling you, with ego jumping up & down & in, wanting you to fight it; to push it away; triumph it; to control it, to flight it, to bury it- SOMETHING. ANYTHING other than Accept it- whatever the difficult thing is.
Let all that resistance BE THERE. Let it be there for a minimum of 30 seconds. Just experience it…experiencing what you are feeling whilst imagining & allowing Acceptance…
Consciously experience what you are feeling at the level of the emotional, Accepting this difficulty that is already in your life, whether you want it to be there or not…Lean gently into the emotional reactivity..
Consciously continue to take those deep breaths, whilst thinking of the thing you wish was not happening.. that you are now trying to Accept, if only for a minute…
Take another deep breath, and let the thing be there, and you with it, after opening the door to it and now inviting it in to sit on a chair at your table…facing it.
Breathe again, let resistance be there, but stay with Acceptance having its way.
If Covid is your example, say say something out loud, or quietly inside, like “Okay; I Accept this/you are here, on my plate, in my/this world. I don’t like it…indeed I HATE it and I wish it/you would go away, but I Accept your being here, in this way…
Okay, how does that feel? can you feel a cool breeze of relief? Of a burden momentarily lifted, off your shoulders? Making you feel lighter?
Did you feel that “impossible” feeling initially…? like this is the absolute hardest of things you have to do…then the hard changing, softening; melting into a feeling of Welcomed Peace-however fleeting?
If not, I invite you to try this exercise again, maybe at a time when you are a little bit more open and less distracted-and/or emotionally overwhelmed…
I so wish for you to experience and know just how unexpectedly freeing Acceptance is…for you to know that we can create that experience for ourselves; that we have That Kind Of Power & Freedom Within Us…
The Power to take that weight off our backs, because we weren’t made to carry that. That weight comes from and belongs to the world. We didn’t bring it with us, and we don’t take it with us when we leave here. We come to Earth weight free; Free is our true nature, I believe.
Our true Spirit is Free, but we lose ourselves daily and moment to moment in a world that has been set up by egoistical greed-based energies skilled in the creation and perpetration of grand illusions, for the sole purpose of keeping human beings in a state of self-unknowingness, mental entrapment, and confusion. In that mental and psychological malaise and prison, we are disabled, unable to clearly see who or what is the true source of all that ails us; of that which stands in the way of evolution and true progress. An energetic Anti-life movement, however dressed up in gladrags.
The egotistical greed-based powers that be is financially invested in keeping us unhappy and in bondage so it may tell us what we need and sell us said “remedy.” Power corrupt and made perverse.
Acceptance is important and I am going to try setting Acceptance in my mind at every turn, everyday, especially at this Coronavirus time. I know it is going to take incredible focus, but, amongst other things, I am a Capricorn and we love a good mountain to (forever) climb (smiles). I am happy to be the guy who shares the Vision & Delights as seen from mountaintops…and Testify: testify that we were made for bigger and better things than this, I believe. We are made for greatness; to create great things for the world and for ourselves.
An example in case; think about the human body…think about how harmoniously miraculously intricately it works…it’s truly mindbogglingly when you really think about it! No one can convince me that that incredible piece of work was/is by accident. No one can convince me that there is no Divine –meaning supremely sophisticated & highly organised– Intelligence at work in this world!!
I have already written the word Acceptance in big letters and have it hanging on a wall in a place where I get to see it -and be reminded of it, everyday
I Accept that Covid-19 is here. I Accept the inner and outer disturbance, fear, terror and painful uncertainty it creates in its midst.
I Accept other tricky situations in my life at this time…and those to come. .especially as I continue on this Path; on this Climb. Especially when my book Back to Love is released 7th January 2021.
And the most daring thought of all, I Accept death. Death comes to us all. Death accompanies life. In death-denying cultures we are always somehow just getting to know this, as if for the first time, even though its been fact for the longest: since the beginning of humankinds existence on this Planet. Even the word Planet, has Nature’s Divine Intelligence Plan in it.
Living in a death-denying culture, I therefore Accept the terror and difficulty of Accepting death. I say that again, I also Accept the terror and difficulty of Accepting death. And I attempt to take the sting out of the reality tail of death by living and loving like tomorrow’s not promised. I allow death to teach & give me – as only death can- instruction on how to LIVE..LIFE…NOW, in Gratitude, not at some future time that may never arrive.
I Accept the struggle to Accept. I Accept when I forget to Accept. I Accept when I don’t feel like Accepting. And I pray that when I am finding it impossible to Accept, that before long I will remember how Freeing and Peaceful Acceptance felt- how warm her embrace; then pick myself up, dust myself off, and get right back on Acceptance’s track.
If I can achieve making Acceptance a more easy and effortless way of being and experiencing reality, I would have achieved a lot. So that is my one and only Intention, from this day forward, and going into 2021.
To feel freed up more often than not, to truly appreciate and enjoy my lot, that would be everything: That would be Present living, a Gift that Keeps On, Giving.
On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being very little Acceptance and 10 being Acceptance in abundance (lol) I would say currently whilst writing this I am a 4. In regards to a previous blog I wrote on Happiness, I am still committed to that, but Acceptance keeps my Happiness Cup full, so I will continue to blog on Acceptance & Happiness as I Journey through the coming New Year. I will also be creating a monthly Newsletter which these Intentions will be a Regular Feature.
Please forward your email addresses if you wish to Journey with me and receive these types of Updates: Happiness Cup Full-Up Dates (smiles).
So, as we draw a close to 2020, I wish us all- and the world- better health, improved Peace & Joy, along with the Realisation of how precious life is; our time is; our relationships are, our blessings are, having had these things severely threatened, compromised and tested throughout this unprecedented year of 2020, with its suffering upon suffering upon suffering…Global Complex Trauma…which we are all still quite a way off from processing and healing.
In this meantime, I Pray that we may live more under the Influence & affluence of Grace, in Gratitude & Reverence, of Life, Love, Equality & Liberty.
Peace & Love, Always,
Peace & Love,
My Spirituality is everything. It saved my life, it kept me alive, it urges me to follow my dreams which houses my most true identity…The That of why I am here; here in this life, in this space, at this time, to share so’s that those down by the river in need of spiritual awakening aren’t left thirsting, forgetting themselves: forgetting their Am of I…
I am coming out, More and More, rooted in my truth….
I am Daring Greatly, and only those who Dares similarly I am open to, to your opinions….though people who Dare Greatly don’t have them…don’t need them, as they, like me, are living their true identity dream and dare not lose precious time in all that, that in the greater scheme of things, matters not….
The poem below I wrote some years back. As I was writing the above it came to mind, so I changed the original course of my Intention in writing this blog piece and share that poem here instead…
I had a dream last night
that I died and The Lord
asked me, why?
Why when I was alive I
And all the excuses that had once
served me well, now didn’t mean a thing,
because in Truth? I never dared
go out on That limb,
To the place the Lord later shared, held
her most precious fruits-
a place where I never could lose.
I cried that night, deep, bitter tears of regret,
then tears of Joy when I arose, and realised
there was still time, yet.
And never again did I forget
to re-member myself-and respond
to The Call to Share and Express,
those God, Given, Talents.
Peace & Love,
Watch the crud -the “stuff,” the old past conditioning and its associated angst- come, and let it go…Similar to my meditation practice, this I will do with the discomfort that comes up as I choose the Happiness Track…and I will share that Process & Journey every so often here in this blog.
Change is a process so to get More Lasting Happiness in my life- the More Life/Light Christ and other enlightened humane beings came to show us The Way and offer us, I have to make that conscious effort, moment to moment, to watch the crud come and let it go, releasing the temptation, the old habit, of immediately trying to change it in some way. Of numbing it; disassociating from it; escaping the intensity & overwhelm of it. Just a standing still and letting the crud, like a tumultuous wave, wash over me. Letting that be whilst having Faith that I can withstand those intense emotional waves, knowing they won’t kill me, that is the Intention of the practice. Just like in the Gospel of Mark 4:35-41 when Christ, The Light, told the storm to be still and implored the disciples to have More Faith.
This week, on a scale of 1- 10, with 1 being running away from and disallowing the emotional crud wave washing over me, to 10 being perfect facing of it, allowing it and remaining Still & Knowing I can withstand this, I would say I am starting at a strong 6,/stable 7. That rising wave happened numerous times throughout the week and felt very difficult to bare, and caused a part of me to panic with what felt like the enormity of it all…(During the week an upsetting life event happened that also added its unpleasant two pennies worth; but that perhaps for another blog).
I noticed fear- terror even- and a dread in some of those moments, which is to be expected, I had to remind the perfectionist in me. I had to remind that part of me that for it was expecting me to just get this practice, this cultivation, this planting of the Lasting Happiness Seed, down to a tee, without experiencing difficulty! She crazy (lol)!
For myself an 8 would be the degree to which the fear and the dread have lessened, and in its place, More of a feeling of Equanimity: More of an Experiential Knowing and surety that there is truly nothing to fear, and that the worse has already happened...
That the thing that I fear most has already happened, that thing being the psychological self-annihilations experienced when I was little and undefended at that most vulnerable time in my early life. Oftentimes the heart of our fears lies in the file of “when I was little & totally vulnerable and dependent on big people.”
Like already mentioned, I will be sharing & tracking this Sparrow of MORE Lasting Happiness, from the inner-side-out, Journey here, to help & reinforce my own un/learning, and as always to help anyone here reading my blogs and who wishes to see and know what self-love looks, feels & breathes like.
With self-love the most difficult, mine currently being Lasting Happiness, in this time, can be made Possible. And given due Love & Light, the difficult Shadowy material transforms-back into- most beautiful.
Additionally, as Lao Tzu said,
The Journey of A Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step…Watch this space for my book Back to Love which charts the beginning and unfolding of my Journey and story back to self-love.
Peace & Love
Happiness became more fully lit and alive for me this month of August 2020. I realised – and the penny finally dropped- that, just like I fight for, honor, and keep, ever vigilantly, My Inner Peace, I can do likewise with Happiness. So I decided to have that relationship: I decided to make & keep that commitment to Happiness. And as wise souls have observed, the moment I made that decision earlier this week, testy things immediately begun to turn up; like they came, in particular, to reclaim Happiness.
Then I remembered, and calmed myself, having learned from healing experience, that those situations weren’t tests: weren’t the devil trying to wrangle back some kind of control. In making the Happiness Decision, and honoring the commitment, similar to lifting a stagnant rock and an whole hosts of insects running & cutting loose therefrom, so it was with those habitual things. So it was with those habitual ways of thinking, behaving, seeing, being, living & loving…I was seeing that more clearly in those moments; in my no longer wishing to entertain them.
I was seeing right through them and seeing how swiftly they turned up, threatening Lasting Happiness: to undermine and tarry it, especially Age-Old fear transfigured into anxiety, and PTSD anxiety transfigured into terror: always there, ready, to steal My Joy.. to steal My Portion of Joy…we all have our Equal Portions…Mother Nature has no favourites.
Once upon a time I needed those thought and feeling patterns & conditions to survive and keep me psychologically alive…Once upon a time it was safer living small; safer keeping myself to myself; wise to safe-keep My Good and My Joy…
But all that I put behind me; all that I am actively putting behind me… moment to moment, and daily..
No matter what shows up in front of me threatening to make me jump out of my skin, I am going to allow the vulnerability that come with those human experiences- those Existential Givens. I am going to allow vulnerability and seek out proper comfort & safety for it. And once calmed, I’m gonna choose Happiness, over & over & over. I am going to choose Happiness, Over-all.
Yes, I will have emotions about stuff, both positive and negative- just like the weather has all types of weather. I am going to have those occasional stormy weathers and will make an ever greater concerted effort to not “add to” the suffering. As Buddhists says, there is suffering that comes with living in the world, and then there is the (unnecessary) suffering we inadvertently add to that suffering; add to our pain.
The Good News is, it is within our hands to lose that “suffer some more” add on…
…When Christ said The Kingdom is at hand, She wasn’t lying…
All we have to more consistently do is move ourselves out of The Way and let Nature & Her Process take & run its course… And when She is done, get back on that Happiness Horse and let it take us wherever it wants: Her Wherever Is, All-Ways-Good…
Peace & Love In Flight,
I am here Sunday afternoon, 4pm, June 28th 2020, watching Brenè Brown’s film on Netflix, “the call to courage.” I love what Brenè Brown has to say on the relationship between vulnerability and courage: most poignant, that there is strength in vulnerability. Her words are the right in-formation for me to be receiving at this time as I prepare to truly and completely go out on the “getting my book published”limb.
All during writing my book- and rewriting it, and re-editing it over these very many years, vulnerability has sat close besides me wondering, “what the fuck are you doing!? Are you really serious about getting this book published!?” 🤣
Last year, all the “nothing ever happens before the time” ducks were all in line when Sèan Patrick Parker, Founder & CEO of That Guy’s House (TGH) publishing company, made his appearance in my life, at opportune time. TGH is a publication company that exist in its purpose-drivenness, to bring transformational, difference- making, life stories into existence. ” The exact same purpose-driven passion as mine, on all the different levels. God/The universe/Love/Divine Intelligence/The Great Unseen Power That Be, most definitely had an hand in him and I coming together and teaming up. The key part I played, before, and toward then, was not giving up on this dream- in spite of all my fears, anxieties and insecurities. Instead working hard and dedicatedly at crafting & honing this passion & purpose of mine, whilst staying awake & alert to opportune time.
And now that dream, my book (and the others I have in the pipeline waiting), is set on becoming a reality. And being as close as it is to reality, vulnerability and high anxiety is running riot inside of me, afraid of backlash; afraid of the “happy-not critic” and his & hers inferiority-complexities . But watching Brenè Brown’s call to courage, especially when she quoted from Theodore Roosevelt’s 1910 address speech I share below, I also know that this moment has not happened by chance and ready or not, I am as ready as I will ever be to respond to The Call To Courage: to The Call To Dare Greatly…and you know what? I am so incredibly proud of myself and so thankful for this Journey that has given my life everlasting meaning and purpose; that has given me an internally- sourced Peace & Joy; that has enriched my life with milk and honey, the likes of which, in my childhood past, I could only day-dreamed about…I am guessing that any kind of dreaming was enough…and has become The Dream of dreams that keeps on giving…
So, I will allow the haters their hate-it’s theirs to keep. I will allow the critics their snigger. I will allow the cynic their cynicism. Tiny-hearted is as tiny- hearted does.
The only kind of people I should be giving My Time of day to when it comes to my creative expressions and occupying space in my preciously divine mind, are those on the road less traveled; are those in the arena daring to do their thing: Daring To Do The Thing Their Soul Has Called them to. Everybody has A Thing; many are Called, few listens, let alone Dares Greatly…
Man In The Arena
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt, 1910..
P.s. And here it is! My Labour of Sweat, Blood, Tears, Come to New & True Life🔥 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1913479552/ref=cm_sw_r_u_apa_fabc_sErTFbJXVNQSC
Peace & Love🔥
Okay, 2020 is upon us…though the time is always Now 0 Clock. I have some big realisations coming up in 2020, the biggest, wildest, dream being, the publication of my book, Back2Love; back from what I was taught was love, to what love very simply IS. It has been some kind of Journey unlearning that mis-education and setting myself on the right path Life called out for me.
The Journey has been a bit like deciding to change a room around: to give it a different look, perspective and feel; then 2-4 hours into it, finding one’s self knee deep in stuff and the whole place looking totally shipwrecked. Stood there, in the middle and thick of it, seriously wondering if I should have started making this change to begin with! Wondering if all this mess is worth it, but being far too gone to turn back and change back now… deciding to keep on, until the work is done-whenever that is!! Keep on keeping on inspired by the vision of how much more life-giving and life-affirming the change will be.
That is what my book Back2Love is all about: a decision, its process, the mess, and the dream of be/holding that Call of Love’s, “Time for Change;” a Bundle of Joy, made in this time, Possible.
Outside of the book, there are other continuing developments in the pipeline of my life of having put a lot of hard work in, honing the skills required for dreams, now awaiting harvesting. All this, whilst also working at striking a more happy and wholesome Life-Work- much needed- Balance.
So, if you are at all interested in the kind of road I am travelling along, watch this space, and feel free to share your own Inside-Out Journey. If on the other hand you are not interested, keep it moving, in a direction of your choosing, rather than bashing my own unique life choices & callings. There are many pathways on this One road…Each to their own… Love Bless the soul that’s got its own.
More Life to us all..💜
Peace & Love,
So, one of my resolutions this year is coming more from my centre of being. I do not make resolutions just for the New Year. From forever self- realisation has very much been a part of me and how I live. Being more centred, and related to that as I shared in my last blog on the theme of time, my relationship with time is also something I am determined to master, and if you like strive to make an art of. I am coming to believe that I am a natural born artist at heart. I have also always been driven to, and take immense pleasure in, making a fine art out of anything: to getting to the inherent beauty of a thing and releasing the unique fragrance it gives. I have always been driven to get to the heart of a thing and realise its natural inner beauty. I have never gotten bored of doing this; never gotten bored of ‘perfecting,’ and not in a neurotic way. The drive is more spiritual than ego.
Anyway, getting back to the topic of Centring, like my 6 year meditation practice, ‘coming back to’ Centre is an intention I have decided since 2019 to apply to my every day; to apply to each and every activity and movement I am engaged in. It is the same dance of my sitting meditation, only meditation in movement- and much more than ‘mindfulness:’ Mindfulness came way before this. This Centring I am engaged in goes that bit deeper.
Thus far, this Centring Practice, if you like, has truly been an eye opener- a spiritual eye opener, and for a number of reasons. Firstly, because I am truly ready to take my spiritual/personal growth to that level, and as I am doing so, I am realising how much my sitting meditation has helped me: has helped me to know I can keep coming back repetitively like that. This makes me know, without doubt, that I can live in that more Centred way, and level of depth, AND that I know what I am doing. This in turns gives me a lot of confidence that strengthens and sharpens my focus and resolve. I am so loving this feeling of being more ‘inside-out’ unified, and in a more complete way than before.
Already it is making me feel more inner power & peace, and making me feel and believe I CAN DO ANYTHING; making me feel skilled in manifestation and self-mastery, which can only get better and better. This new development is making me feel that I can more fully embody and live under the tutelage of the following affirmation, one that has helped me out loads in the past:
“I am Beautiful, Peaceful, Confident and Powerful. “
I have been hiding my fire/light under a bushel for way too long. I want to fully live; I want to fully shine: actually, it is not a want, it’s a NEED.
I am ready to shine and enjoy the experience of shining, rather than playing my light down & out. I want to release the fear that being myself in that more total way is dangerous and will unwittingly bring to me another’s biting envy. In my life I have had more than my fair share of ‘back-biting’ from others. At those times, for the life of me, I could not figure out, and/or see why me…Instead I rationalised there must be something wrong with me because it kept happening and all I was doing is being me….So, I am truly appreciating where I am finding myself at this moment in Eternal Time.
That is one side of this Centring experience; the other side is that it is blooming hard remaining Centred and continuously coming back to Centre as I move through my day and interact with people. The good thing about being more consciously and intentionally Centred, is that I can immediately feel when I am about to be pulled off-centre. And there are so many bloody triggers! The experience thus far can be very much likened to giving up the habit of smoking, then every moment realising the more psychological addictive side of it, and how dependent you were on it, as well as the myriad of ways cigarettes was used to emotional & self- regulate you, when shit got difficult!
My big triggers are in work, as well as working in the voluntary sector where employees can get easily pulled into working extra hard: working extra hard to keep the service in operation, on already insufficient funds. Working hard and around the 9-5 clock to ensure that the work is carried out to exceptionally high standards, ones that clearly statistically demonstrate, annually, that the much needed service is worthy of continued and further funding. In becoming more Centred I am releasing the trauma- originating people pleaser part in me who feels the misplaced need to get work perfect and in so doing inadvertently run me rugged, just to make everyone happy, and feel appreciated. Now at work all I allow myself do is my very best, and definitely leave the rest. At this point in my life’s journey, I am more than happy to put another nail in the coffin of the ‘black superheroine complex.’
Then there’s the ‘commuting experience’ and releasing the temptation there to take others to task in so very many ways: loads of triggers there, especially underground. But I am determined not to give my power away there, and/or anywhere. I can see more clearly now that when I do, the satisfaction of taking people to task only last a second or two, but long-term, and daily, it all builds up and exhaust me. All these little and often emotional withdrawals adds up overtime. I’d rather keep my power now, and continue to enjoy this new discovery of increased personal power, by not allowing myself to be ‘drawn in’ and pulled off Centre.
I’m loving it, though in some situations it’s hard and takes immense resolve to not get caught up in negative interactions, which includes thought and emotion. Not forgetting to mention, the triggers in ‘home life,’ and in the many and varied roles in the world of domestics! But I say again, I am determined because I know the fruits of this labour is going to be more than worth it, what with the immediate feel- good benefits I am already experiencing- and the joyful anticipation of future miracles in the way of dreams more easily & swiftly making reality, within the Amazing Grace of Serendipity.
So 4 days in and I am strong and riding ready; and I Will keep on. I will also keep you all updated and informed: doing so helps to reinforce my (un)learning as well as keep me and my progress in good check. Also sharing my discoveries is a thing I absolutely enjoy doing, and feel I have been purposed on this Earth-Plane to do. I feel that I am purposed to share my experiences with others and to give those in need, much-needed hope. And it is my hope that by my doing so, that they in their struggles may draw some much needed inspiration to keep on keeping on and know that they and their lives are worth it, and worth the fight for, which reminds me of a quote,
“Don’t let the struggle become your identity.”
We are more than our struggles; so much more. And I absolutely don’t mind showing that Good News through the sharing of my own experiences- however risky and very difficult that at times feels. The truth is we have been awesomely made and as such are spiritually enriched and equipped to make good of any and all life experiences. We all have that “Something Inside So Strong, that knows that we can make….” As the lyrics to Labi Siffre’s song reminds us. The greatest sin in this world is that we don’t know we have that Something inside, which reminds me of another quote that says words to the affects:
“To understand another human being we must first get to know and understand ourselves.”
This is the Highest and Greatest of All Education: Self-knowledge; hence the ancient adage, “KNOW THYSELF.” Hence why the corrupt powers that be work hard to keep imprisoned our minds. The mind is a terrible thing to waste…
I leave you with a final quote:
‘He said, “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; never stop fighting.”‘ E.E. Cummings.
Peace & Love,