In This World, Happiness is an act of courage…Be EnCouraged🤗
This year so far feels to be flying by for me. I am still very much on track as far as being committed to Happiness is concerned as well as honing Acceptance and Response Ability. Life can take over, but I’m still in the driving seat with those particular Intentions.
My ongoing Achilles heel is the challenge of relaxing and claiming that stillness. I mean, I am good with that when meditating and love the Very Sweet Deep Peace to be found in that “Within;” but going about my day, I do struggle. I do struggle to do less & be more; to switch doing off and come down into Being, and receive therein, from That Well-Being Source. I know where that comes from…read my book Back to love...But as I write this, I am reminded of a quote by Paulo Ceolho. It goes…
“A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. “
In my instance, it’s a choice repeated more than once is a decision, or a decision yet to be more fully and completely made; my choice being not to relax, especially when needed- especially when opportunities to relax presents itself to me. I think I will do the following exercise to see if I can more uproot this Persistent Visitor (a PTSD trauma response) in my life. Persistent Visitor is a term used by Jack Kornfield in his book A Path With Heart.
This exercise I got from John Welwood in his book Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships. It is an exercise used to aid The Process of cultivating ever Greater Presence & Capacity To Be With Emotional Experience. We inadvertently add to our (legitimate) suffering when we flee from the emotional and its associated feeling of difficulty and pain. When we flee from the heart’s angst, instead of allowing that angst to flow; to work itself out; to pass; we end up standing in the way of Peace & Joy and all the real & true things in the secret chambers of our hearts, we truly want…
The author works with the following principles in this exercise: Acknowledging, Allowing, Opening & Entering…
I apply this exercise to my difficulty in Allowing myself to settle, relax, let go, and simply Be, with all that IS, Now -inside & out…
I have to Acknowledge that relaxing is a challenge for me, for all the reasons spoken about in my autobiography book, Back to love. Relaxing and letting go is a very daring act as once a upon a time, in my most formative years, relaxing was not a good thing to be doing. Doing so came to mean putting myself in harm’s way. I lived in hypervigilance back then, for survival sake. A survivor response.
I have to Allow that difficulty to be there. I say it again: To Be There. I have to Allow myself to lean into it, as much as I can…Giving Space to difficulty, like the sky Gives Space to the earth to live move and have its being- and all the other planets. We are all, on this earthplane, being Held in that All Encompassing Space…Think about it…We are held-up in no thing, just Space..
I have to Open myself to where the difficult will take me…I have to Trust, by trusting, that Opening to the difficult will be the best thing I could do for my Here & Now Wellbeing. If we can stay long enough with this Opening, we find that as the difficult reaches its peak, there exist, within the angst, The Promise: The Promise & Reward of Sweet Release, from the pain… from the prison of angst..
As I am Entering the difficult, the emotional pain, there is that Space, that Expansion, and the difficult begins to dissipate, to evaporate; to take us beyond…beyond pain to Joy, from wound to wonder…to greater Inner Harmony & Togetherness, that naturally spills out…like The Cup that runneth over..
Take, at a minimum, 15 minutes to try this exercise when you are upset about something, and/or need to relax and get off autopilot. Try for a maximum of 30 minutes- and/or as long as you like. Keep trying this until, like a muscle consistently exercise, this Practice & Way of Being grows, and its benefits soars, from the inside-out.
I am off to do this now and will take this month of March to remember to Practice more concertedly and pointedly, relaxing, into the day, into the task, into the being and the doing of no thing.
Peace & Love,
P.S. On Trauma & Recovery…if interested read my book Back to love…
Peace & Love,
My Spirituality is everything. It saved my life, it kept me alive, it urges me to follow my dreams which houses my most true identity…The That of why I am here; here in this life, in this space, at this time, to share so’s that those down by the river in need of spiritual awakening aren’t left thirsting, forgetting themselves: forgetting their Am of I…
I am coming out, More and More, rooted in my truth….
I am Daring Greatly, and only those who Dares similarly I am open to, to your opinions….though people who Dare Greatly don’t have them…don’t need them, as they, like me, are living their true identity dream and dare not lose precious time in all that, that in the greater scheme of things, matters not….
The poem below I wrote some years back. As I was writing the above it came to mind, so I changed the original course of my Intention in writing this blog piece and share that poem here instead…
I had a dream last night
that I died and The Lord
asked me, why?
Why when I was alive I
And all the excuses that had once
served me well, now didn’t mean a thing,
because in Truth? I never dared
go out on That limb,
To the place the Lord later shared, held
her most precious fruits-
a place where I never could lose.
I cried that night, deep, bitter tears of regret,
then tears of Joy when I arose, and realised
there was still time, yet.
And never again did I forget
to re-member myself-and respond
to The Call to Share and Express,
those God, Given, Talents.
Peace & Love,
Watch the crud -the “stuff,” the old past conditioning and its associated angst- come, and let it go…Similar to my meditation practice, this I will do with the discomfort that comes up as I choose the Happiness Track…and I will share that Process & Journey every so often here in this blog.
Change is a process so to get More Lasting Happiness in my life- the More Life/Light Christ and other enlightened humane beings came to show us The Way and offer us, I have to make that conscious effort, moment to moment, to watch the crud come and let it go, releasing the temptation, the old habit, of immediately trying to change it in some way. Of numbing it; disassociating from it; escaping the intensity & overwhelm of it. Just a standing still and letting the crud, like a tumultuous wave, wash over me. Letting that be whilst having Faith that I can withstand those intense emotional waves, knowing they won’t kill me, that is the Intention of the practice. Just like in the Gospel of Mark 4:35-41 when Christ, The Light, told the storm to be still and implored the disciples to have More Faith.
This week, on a scale of 1- 10, with 1 being running away from and disallowing the emotional crud wave washing over me, to 10 being perfect facing of it, allowing it and remaining Still & Knowing I can withstand this, I would say I am starting at a strong 6,/stable 7. That rising wave happened numerous times throughout the week and felt very difficult to bare, and caused a part of me to panic with what felt like the enormity of it all…(During the week an upsetting life event happened that also added its unpleasant two pennies worth; but that perhaps for another blog).
I noticed fear- terror even- and a dread in some of those moments, which is to be expected, I had to remind the perfectionist in me. I had to remind that part of me that for it was expecting me to just get this practice, this cultivation, this planting of the Lasting Happiness Seed, down to a tee, without experiencing difficulty! She crazy (lol)!
For myself an 8 would be the degree to which the fear and the dread have lessened, and in its place, More of a feeling of Equanimity: More of an Experiential Knowing and surety that there is truly nothing to fear, and that the worse has already happened...
That the thing that I fear most has already happened, that thing being the psychological self-annihilations experienced when I was little and undefended at that most vulnerable time in my early life. Oftentimes the heart of our fears lies in the file of “when I was little & totally vulnerable and dependent on big people.”
Like already mentioned, I will be sharing & tracking this Sparrow of MORE Lasting Happiness, from the inner-side-out, Journey here, to help & reinforce my own un/learning, and as always to help anyone here reading my blogs and who wishes to see and know what self-love looks, feels & breathes like.
With self-love the most difficult, mine currently being Lasting Happiness, in this time, can be made Possible. And given due Love & Light, the difficult Shadowy material transforms-back into- most beautiful.
Additionally, as Lao Tzu said,
The Journey of A Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step…Watch this space for my book Back to Love which charts the beginning and unfolding of my Journey and story back to self-love.
Peace & Love
Happiness became more fully lit and alive for me this month of August 2020. I realised – and the penny finally dropped- that, just like I fight for, honor, and keep, ever vigilantly, My Inner Peace, I can do likewise with Happiness. So I decided to have that relationship: I decided to make & keep that commitment to Happiness. And as wise souls have observed, the moment I made that decision earlier this week, testy things immediately begun to turn up; like they came, in particular, to reclaim Happiness.
Then I remembered, and calmed myself, having learned from healing experience, that those situations weren’t tests: weren’t the devil trying to wrangle back some kind of control. In making the Happiness Decision, and honoring the commitment, similar to lifting a stagnant rock and an whole hosts of insects running & cutting loose therefrom, so it was with those habitual things. So it was with those habitual ways of thinking, behaving, seeing, being, living & loving…I was seeing that more clearly in those moments; in my no longer wishing to entertain them.
I was seeing right through them and seeing how swiftly they turned up, threatening Lasting Happiness: to undermine and tarry it, especially Age-Old fear transfigured into anxiety, and PTSD anxiety transfigured into terror: always there, ready, to steal My Joy.. to steal My Portion of Joy…we all have our Equal Portions…Mother Nature has no favourites.
Once upon a time I needed those thought and feeling patterns & conditions to survive and keep me psychologically alive…Once upon a time it was safer living small; safer keeping myself to myself; wise to safe-keep My Good and My Joy…
But all that I put behind me; all that I am actively putting behind me… moment to moment, and daily..
No matter what shows up in front of me threatening to make me jump out of my skin, I am going to allow the vulnerability that come with those human experiences- those Existential Givens. I am going to allow vulnerability and seek out proper comfort & safety for it. And once calmed, I’m gonna choose Happiness, over & over & over. I am going to choose Happiness, Over-all.
Yes, I will have emotions about stuff, both positive and negative- just like the weather has all types of weather. I am going to have those occasional stormy weathers and will make an ever greater concerted effort to not “add to” the suffering. As Buddhists says, there is suffering that comes with living in the world, and then there is the (unnecessary) suffering we inadvertently add to that suffering; add to our pain.
The Good News is, it is within our hands to lose that “suffer some more” add on…
…When Christ said The Kingdom is at hand, She wasn’t lying…
All we have to more consistently do is move ourselves out of The Way and let Nature & Her Process take & run its course… And when She is done, get back on that Happiness Horse and let it take us wherever it wants: Her Wherever Is, All-Ways-Good…
Peace & Love In Flight,
I am here Sunday afternoon, 4pm, June 28th 2020, watching Brenè Brown’s film on Netflix, “the call to courage.” I love what Brenè Brown has to say on the relationship between vulnerability and courage: most poignant, that there is strength in vulnerability. Her words are the right in-formation for me to be receiving at this time as I prepare to truly and completely go out on the “getting my book published”limb.
All during writing my book- and rewriting it, and re-editing it over these very many years, vulnerability has sat close besides me wondering, “what the fuck are you doing!? Are you really serious about getting this book published!?” 🤣
Last year, all the “nothing ever happens before the time” ducks were all in line when Sèan Patrick Parker, Founder & CEO of That Guy’s House (TGH) publishing company, made his appearance in my life, at opportune time. TGH is a publication company that exist in its purpose-drivenness, to bring transformational, difference- making, life stories into existence. ” The exact same purpose-driven passion as mine, on all the different levels. God/The universe/Love/Divine Intelligence/The Great Unseen Power That Be, most definitely had an hand in him and I coming together and teaming up. The key part I played, before, and toward then, was not giving up on this dream- in spite of all my fears, anxieties and insecurities. Instead working hard and dedicatedly at crafting & honing this passion & purpose of mine, whilst staying awake & alert to opportune time.
And now that dream, my book (and the others I have in the pipeline waiting), is set on becoming a reality. And being as close as it is to reality, vulnerability and high anxiety is running riot inside of me, afraid of backlash; afraid of the “happy-not critic” and his & hers inferiority-complexities . But watching Brenè Brown’s call to courage, especially when she quoted from Theodore Roosevelt’s 1910 address speech I share below, I also know that this moment has not happened by chance and ready or not, I am as ready as I will ever be to respond to The Call To Courage: to The Call To Dare Greatly…and you know what? I am so incredibly proud of myself and so thankful for this Journey that has given my life everlasting meaning and purpose; that has given me an internally- sourced Peace & Joy; that has enriched my life with milk and honey, the likes of which, in my childhood past, I could only day-dreamed about…I am guessing that any kind of dreaming was enough…and has become The Dream of dreams that keeps on giving…
So, I will allow the haters their hate-it’s theirs to keep. I will allow the critics their snigger. I will allow the cynic their cynicism. Tiny-hearted is as tiny- hearted does.
The only kind of people I should be giving My Time of day to when it comes to my creative expressions and occupying space in my preciously divine mind, are those on the road less traveled; are those in the arena daring to do their thing: Daring To Do The Thing Their Soul Has Called them to. Everybody has A Thing; many are Called, few listens, let alone Dares Greatly…
Man In The Arena
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt, 1910..
P.s. And here it is! My Labour of Sweat, Blood, Tears, Come to New & True Life🔥 https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1913479552/ref=cm_sw_r_u_apa_fabc_sErTFbJXVNQSC
Peace & Love🔥
Okay, 2020 is upon us…though the time is always Now 0 Clock. I have some big realisations coming up in 2020, the biggest, wildest, dream being, the publication of my book, Back2Love; back from what I was taught was love, to what love very simply IS. It has been some kind of Journey unlearning that mis-education and setting myself on the right path Life called out for me.
The Journey has been a bit like deciding to change a room around: to give it a different look, perspective and feel; then 2-4 hours into it, finding one’s self knee deep in stuff and the whole place looking totally shipwrecked. Stood there, in the middle and thick of it, seriously wondering if I should have started making this change to begin with! Wondering if all this mess is worth it, but being far too gone to turn back and change back now… deciding to keep on, until the work is done-whenever that is!! Keep on keeping on inspired by the vision of how much more life-giving and life-affirming the change will be.
That is what my book Back2Love is all about: a decision, its process, the mess, and the dream of be/holding that Call of Love’s, “Time for Change;” a Bundle of Joy, made in this time, Possible.
Outside of the book, there are other continuing developments in the pipeline of my life of having put a lot of hard work in, honing the skills required for dreams, now awaiting harvesting. All this, whilst also working at striking a more happy and wholesome Life-Work- much needed- Balance.
So, if you are at all interested in the kind of road I am travelling along, watch this space, and feel free to share your own Inside-Out Journey. If on the other hand you are not interested, keep it moving, in a direction of your choosing, rather than bashing my own unique life choices & callings. There are many pathways on this One road…Each to their own… Love Bless the soul that’s got its own.
More Life to us all..💜
Peace & Love,