In a dis ya time
Peace & Love,
In a dis ya time
Peace & Love,
I wrote this poem in 2004 and it was born out of my feelings of desperation about the black on black crime that was also rampant at that time. This poem came to mind for a re-post today….especially the line I wrote about “Vision being restored.” Vision Being Restored in the current climate, with the true enemy working against progress and a wholesome society, being more clearly defined…Malignant Racism: racism being very much alive & kicking, and choking the life out of black people. All our efforts must be directed at this true source and the change needed there, across the institutional board. Racism, like the coronavirus, hurts US ALL- though for some, death rates are much higher…#BLM (Black Lives Matter) #BMHM (Black Mental Health Matters)
Back in The Day we lived large,
played hard-unconditionally loved
by the Great Mother; self-loving in Her Nature.
Then it came to pass,
a mean spirited, player hating, cold chill farce
held Her Sons to ransom; claimed Her, then raped Her.
Now Her sweet Sons don’t shine like before,
their throats are sore, from the pressure she applied
to hold them back, until such time
Vision was restored.
And as time passes by, memory fades;
whilst some of Her Sons still re-members
The Day, others buckle under the mental health strain;
Some becoming more like Gangcesters,
dis-membering, everything, both big and small
that resembles themselves at all.
But Her Love is Pure, She both under and over stands
that the rage like fire burns strong
and is still in need of being undone,
So Her offspring’s may sing
a more reparative redemption song
and like Eagles fly East-Homeward bound;
forward out of this, Babylon.
And then, The Right Time Come,
and the Grand Mother bawl-‘Fire a ga bun!
Go get ‘em Son! Regain your rightful positions!’
And with nuff love ina dem Hearts,
Her Truth upon their Tongues, their Quest?
To cut away all falsehoods from this-
So, “Fret not yourself my brothers,”
The Mother Loves us ever so much,
and as a Matter of Cause, is oh so Desirous of us
to find the Will to Live and Love.
So Remember, as it was in the beginning
So we shall be in the end; Her Sons shining,
like the Phoenix Forever Raising-
Again and Again and Again.
And So Shall It Be,
Denise Marcia James, aka Insperience, 2004
Peace & Love,
Just in case someone needs to know: being Pro-black does not mean being anti- white. We are all here to fight injustice in all its forms- injustice is anti-life. Spreading hate & harm for its own sake, is sick and against all that LIFE IS & Is, Meant, To Be ❤💛💚🖤🔥🔥🔥
Peace & Love,
One rule for the elite 🤔 the same today as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow. This is the Party that is for the few not for the many. If you voted for them, hush up…After coronavirus it’s going to “continue with privatisation of the nhs” business as usual, deportations, cruel benefit services, pretending England functions well in the land of “All by myself,” etc etc etc..
Live in the real world peeps- the “Me world”…and if you are absolutely sick and tired of that worldview…
Remember that story about black people knowing why Meghan Markle is fed up with the treatment/racism she experienced here? Which the media carries on with regardless.. Same goes with this headline. Here are some added factors for folks who are genuinely interested in the why of these statistics:
A quote, “If you always do what you always done, you will always get what you always got.”
By Aubrey Allegretti, Political reporter @breeallegretti
Thursday 7 May 2020 11:43, UK
Image:Underlying health conditions play a role in the disproportionate number of deaths, the ONS said
Black people are up to four times more likely to die with COVID-19 than their white counterparts, the Office for National Statistics has found.
New analysis published on Thursday showed black women are more likely to die by a factor of 4.3 and black men by 4.2 compared to Caucasian people, after adjusting for age.
Other ethnic minorities have a heightened risk, too.
Image:So far at least 29,000 people in the UK have died with COVID-19
Those with Bangladeshi and Pakistani backgrounds were found to be 3.6 times more likely to die in men and 3.4 in women.
While among people with Indian ethnicity, women were 2.7 times more likely to die and men 2.4.Advertisementnull
For the Chinese ethnic group, the heightened risk for men was 1.9 and 1.2 for women.
Fatalities from coronavirus were also found to be twice as high in the most deprived parts of the UK, where those from ethnic minority backgrounds mainly reside, compared with the least deprived.
In response to the headline in the New York times “Black Britons Knows Why Meghan Markle wants out,” posted on my Facebook page a couple of days ago:
I’ve kept away from all commentaries leading up to and after this couple got married. My two pencies worth here now is, Harry (psychologically) opted out of the royal family when they took his mother out (in more ways than one) – and him and his brother was made to walk publicly behind her coffin. How thoughtless- and re-traumatising. When he became a man it was just circumstances he was (albeit, unconsciously) waiting for to make that physical move. Then Harry met Sally (aka Meghan 😊) and Bob was your uncle 😂😂😂
Also, to quote Harriet Lerner:
“In relationships between dominant and subordinate groups, the subordinate group members always possess a far greater understanding of the dominant members and their culture than vice versa.”
Absolutely racism…and for Harry, the above reasons as well as the love for his woman & child, and intolerance of isms, kisms & ignorance. He’s his mother’s child, not the monarchy’s…
They both want out. All Power to them!
P.s. World, Know Thyself, and stop expecting the “in the line of fire” scapegoated group to educate you…to educate those who are so full of “ignorance is bliss” stuff and aren’t truly willing and ready to hear, let alone learn. Go empty out first. As a Buddhist teaching says, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears. ”
Go Ready-Up those who are willing to hear & learn…Start with the youtube video, and/or book, White Fragility…And be prepared to be attacked- like Harry & Meghan- by your people dem…as in this broken world that is what frequently happens when Brave People & Extremely Uncomfortable Truths Stands Out..
#zerotolerenceofismsandkisms….and all the time in the world for souls open to love and all love calls us to be and do in her benevolence…
Peace & Love,
This blog is my response to an article in the Metro newspaper posted by a friend on Facebook recently. I have given my response here more body and volume mostly because I am so over the blind that refuses to see and leaves us all open to comeuppance.
The article title…
“I will not stop talking about the racism I face even if it means I lose my job.”
By Eunice Olumide, 14 May 2019, 14:00
And she did lose her job…search for the article if interested.
“A good book for people who still find it difficult to talk about racism, is ‘White Fragility, why it’s difficult for white people to talk about racism,’ By Robin Di Angelo… And for those fragile egos- which frankly I no longer feel the need to pander to, being Pro-Black does not mean being anti-white!
I too will always be talking on subjects true, that are STILL difficult to face, and discuss, like racism, sexism/misogyny, domestic violence, child abuse, mental health, etc..
Over the years I have learnt that there will always be those who do not wish to know and recognise social injustice, which is, in effect, operating from the unconscious psychological defence mechanism of denial; so I no longer waste time and good energy trying to enlighten them any more, as it’s their lesson to learn, or not. But please note that your (unconscious) refusal to learn and see, leaves the back door, historcally, wide open for maggots the likes of Trump, Nigel Farage, white supremacists, Nigel and other racist politicians springing up by the dozens in 2019, with their main goal being to cast aspersions, create division, and disharmony. These are the ‘dark’ forces we are to be mindful of, not black folks.
So make up your minds deniers as we can’t solve a problem by not squarely and sincerely looking it; and you can bet your bottom dollar that if a problem is not being faced and adequately dealt with, the problem is only going to get worse. And sadly, us knuckle head human beings seems to prefer learning lessons the -who don’t hear must feel- hard way…And those of us who don’t operate like that, myself included, still will suffer “collective consequences,” seeing that we are all in this world together.
And a note to the wise, it is not black people’s responsibility to educate and prove to ignore-rance that racism is still very much alive and kicking; just like it is not battered women and/or abused children’s responsibility to educate ignorance about domestic violence and its far reaching consequences; nor to prove to you that they have indeed been abused. People we need to stop ‘victim blaming,’ as it is deeply psychologically wounding! Albeit, it may be a wound we do not physically see, but we all physically feel it when unprocessed hurt, and what seems like ‘senseless’ revenge, comes a knocking, sometimes indiscriminately. Read the paper; listen to the News, there are tens of thousands different examples.
As the human race we need to come out of kindergarten on these matters, as we still have things incredibly mixed up. So I bid you, take care of your own learning, face the social facts and release the need for Ignore- rance because it is far from bliss and comes with far reaching and receding consequence – for each and everyone of us…None of us stands outside of hatred’s intolerance of difference, and its unreckoned with, and deeply buried, feelings of self- disgust, that us black folks, somewhat like punching bags, end up bearing the brunt of…
Peace & love,
In the midst of these renewed life focuses, a situation I was already managing, took a turn and currently has me, just about, keeping my head above the waters. Another great big life experience, one that I could have well done without, at times has me feeling like, very close to being tipped over this unexpected edge.
This situation is truly testing my resolve and is asking of me to dig even further in, to what already feels like dwindling inner reserves, still in need of built up. And in the midst of all this, whilst life just ignorantly walks on by, I continue to be called, from a higher source, to self-actualize: to not lose sight of that purposed prize.
I have had this drive and awareness inside since a child; one that keeps me keeping on and inclining to believe -and cultivate greater faith in, The Good that absolutely rules the world. I am to keep this in mind, and hold it in heart, paying little attention to the myriad ways, everyday, life presents itself. In the face of this new challenge, that assurance Is Still- and all ways- there.
So whilst a part of me wants to sink into despair and lament “why me!” ( and it deserves its feet stomping moments), another side of me whispers, “USE EVERYTHING.” Use everything life throws at me to sink more deeply into this Inner Knowing of The Good and True Essence of Real Life, that moves from the In-side.
So why not me? What makes me so special to be spared visitations from The Difficult?
And so, I roll up my spiritual sleeves and do what I am called from Greater Heights to do, whilst taking the very best physical and psychological care of myself, that is humanely possible.
Peace & Love,
In life, from childhood we are sold on how important it is that we treat people in a good and respectful way. We are sold on how important lessons are and how far it can get us in life. We are sold how wonderful childhood is. We are sold on how fair and just the world is. Sometimes we are sold on how we have a voice and how important it is for us to use it- I say sometimes because some of us aren’t sold that- we are sold that we shouldn’t be “angry ” (that is passionate) as sometimes our being and expressing ourselves and our truth is deemed quite threatening. We are sold that if we are ‘model citizens’ we will reap the rewards. We are sold that if we ask for help it will be given; then we ask for help and they say you are not quite so destitute yet- and/or wait until the crime/wrong has been committed first! We are sold all manner of things, then go out in the world as adults realising what a load of crap all that was! We are not prepared for the crap- unless we have had a great big dollop of it via child abuse. This world and its institutions/ways of doing things is broken. But I keep keeping on, and I keep listening, instead, to that quiet voice within, moving through this world taking instructions from there, because that place/space is Real and True and has no ulterior motives and does not come from unconsciousness/darkness.
Sometimes you have to holler and call shit out! That’s me done…
Peace & Love,
A piece I wrote perhaps 15 years ago. Still celebrating Life at St. Johns.
Heaven on Earth
I once read that if a person’s religion is not helping them to strive to become their more better selves, then that religion is failing. I would add that perhaps that religion is not practising true religion, as I also read someplace that religion means, ‘to bind,’ ‘to yolk,’ ‘to bring back.’
To my mind, to bring back to an early innocence similar to the natural deposition of children, this time as adults, knowing the things we now know; having experienced the things that we have, and in the midst of that, striving to be as wise as serpents and harmless as doves. I believe in that right peace of mind, ‘making one’s self better’ would also most naturally extend out to and include one’s environment and community: one’s inner and outer world.
In the beginning, the bible tells us, the world and human beings were perceived by the lord to be very good; that the lord was well pleased with creation. Needless to say, since then we have moved some way away from that kind of earth and from our better selves, the self most of us are in awe of when a baby makes its way into the world, filled with potential, innocence, and grace.
To me, faith, loving others, loving ourselves, and loving & caring for the earth, goes hand in hand: One earth; One human race, aspiring to become humane, having that inherent life-given potential at hand. As an ancient African philosophy says,
“Whatever happens to the individual, happens to the whole group; whatever happens to the whole group, happens to the individual.”
We are bound to each other, as nature planned it- and had hope that we will figure it out.
I love being & fellow-shipping at my church, St. Johns. I believe that in that place we have, and are getting, this faith, this love of each other, of ourselves, and the outside world, balance just right. We strive to love one another as the lord loves us and has revealed to us how we should love, and we love our earth that grounds, supports, house, and feeds us, just the same.
The earth, like many of us, needs healing and helping hands, so we may recover and make her truly better, coming to enjoy her fruits further and to know what it is to have a piece of heaven right here on earth.
I couldn’t be worshipping and be celebrating Life at a church that wasn’t up to date and in the right relationship with these important things. For me there can be no separation and absolutely no question as to our personal and collective responsibilities in these matters.
St. John, as a church, has mostly worked for me because of the open-minded and open-heartedness of the Priests who have taken up term there; they have truly lived out in thought word & deed the admonishment of “Come As You Are,” and allows the congregation to hold them accountable toward these ends.
As a saying goes,
“An organisation is only as good as its head.”
If the head ain’t right, nothing works properly, let alone righteously. Just like the heads on our bodies, which follows a similiar order.
Organisations and organisms does best, as well as operate with more unity & harmony- maintaining an inherent homeostasis, when it has a good head on its shoulders. They also work best when the head observes its jurisdiction well, and allow its fellow members to do just as well in the areas they have been gifted with.
According to Plan, Nature & Nurture working hand in hand.
Peace & Love,
Has anybody seen my childhood?
Peace & Love,
My shoulders feels fed up with its lot, tired it is of all the responsibilities place on it, from year dot. Took me a while to learn to lighten the load, but as much as I try to lay burdens off, the more seems to get piled on. So how can my shoulders be anything but angry; angry at this relentless overload. How can my shoulders not react by getting its back up and turning inward away from a world that keeps loading more and more on. WTF: ENOUGH already!
Peace & Love,
In April 2018 I decided to set myself a challenge and in so doing put an old haunt to bed. It is hard knowing where to start as this topic is so huge for me. There has been a lot of unconsciousness around it being in origin a key coping mechanism that came into being from year dot, it would seem. The decision I made was to not emotionally eat: to release the need to. Like I said, not a straight forward need to release as it covers up a whole host of old unmet needs, some of which still lingers. So trying to unpick it here is going to take some doing, but needs must.
So let’s go back to the root. In my childhood I was not attended to emotionally; not by a single soul, if my memory serves me right. Much have been written and researched on this topic, especially with the human species being dependent for the longest, compared to other warm blooded mammals. To summarise, some of the development needs of the developing child is the need for security, stability, consistency, emotional support, love, education, positive role models, and structure.
As a child I had none of those needs adequately met, hence the hole that needed to be filled by ‘any means necessary,’ for the sake of survival. The human organism has to find ways to adapt to the many situations s/he can find themselves in, even if that has to be by a process of maladjustment. From very young- primary school age, food and sweets attempted to fill that situation vacant parenting gap. This is the bare bones of it, and I am not blaming here- though I can. Just lying out clearly that certain reality the foundation of my psyche and physiologically was built upon. And when foundations aren’t sturdy and strong -however spectacularly looking, when shaken and/or stirred, at some point they can come tumbling down.
As a child I grew up quickly. I had to take on the role of “looking out for myself” because no one else was. I also had to look out for myself for the bare necessity of trying to bring some kind of order, peace and structure to my days, for the 18 years childhood term: that was quite clear. I remember being in primary school, unable to focus on learning, with my mind instead being totally taken with how to get money to eat; to buy some sweets, and buy myself more dolls, and doll’s clothes. Near where I lived there was this huge toy shop that I would spend many hours in; being there filled me with such joy.
These preoccupations truly helped me to survive, as well as to have something in my life, in my day, to look forward to. I also had to create my own entertainment: television filled a lot of that space, and is still very much an escape for me today.
Oftentimes there was no food at home; oftentimes there was the long wait to eat. I always felt hungry: hungry for food, hungry for love; never feeling full-enough when food was for that moment forthcoming. I was also unable to experience fully being at peace and ease, even when good moments came knocking. They never lasted for long, so I learned not to build any hopes upon them. It all became quite a pattern.
It was of no surprise, looking back, that I went on to develop an eating disorder at 13 years old; Bulimia. Dolls begun to do very little for me around that time, so I needed to find me something else to fill my time and to cope with this incredible painful feelings of utter neediness. I needed to externalise it all; unconsciously creating a behavioural problem, to act as a dustbin to dump all my angst in. And though Bulimia cost me in certain respects- as do all substitutes for love, attention, comfort and support, it also served me: it helped me to self-soothe and emotionally regulate, much needed for psychological survival.
As children we learn to do these important things, to self-soothe and emotional & self-regulate, by our parents and caregivers; in time internalising that nurturing and care afforded us, taking over in time our own self- regulation. In the absence of this humanisation, what gets internalised instead, is an inner pain-filled emptiness of nothingness. This is how it works.
When we miss out on this nurturing, we miss an important education in (inner) life and are set up to find other less desirable ways to emotional regulate, which then turns into a ‘self-medication.’ This can be observed at the extreme end within all addictions- alcohol, drugs, sex, eating disorders, bad relationships; and at the other more “socially accepted” end of being a workaholic, self-distracting busyness, and the constant striving to be and do bigger, better, best: all inner complexes that the world of advertisement and its father capitalism lives and breathes to feed.
I am no longer Bulimic, and have not been for over 30 years, but I would say that in my head, when stressed, my over preoccupation with food, eating and weight, still remained. When I am feeling emotional alone without the comforting presence of another soul, the need to comfort eat, peaks. I still do not feel I have that certain someone to turn to and get some of my emotional needs met. Outside of personal therapy, which has emotionally corrected a lot that had gone awry within my young life/me, in this regard, I still feel starved.
Maybe in learning to be with myself, with the full range of my angst when it presents, without distracting and escaping through preoccupation with food and being consumed with what & when I will eat, next, maybe I will find other things besides food and the same old, to help pick me up and have to look forward to..
To my mind, releasing the need to emotionally eat is a renewal of the commitment I made to myself in 1986. Now I am being called to a deeper self intimacy, which I do not take lightly, as on some days, and at certain times of the day, bearing these “difficult” “impossible” “needy” feeling states, that emotional eating used to help me escape, takes some doing; the sheer intensity of those feeling! Sometimes it feels like I am in actual physical labour, deep in at the place where one experiences the greatest pain, just before the sweetest (bundle of) joy…
Still waiting, and trying to trust in the process, of having more lasting peace and joy reside inside me…
watch this space..
Peace & Love,
Holler! The following is a Post I wrote on Facebook (and expanded on here that bit further) following this weeks’s-and year-spate in black on back knife and gun crime. At the time of writing this (07/04/2018) there have been 55 causalities:
An analogy: So, say you have a disease like cancer and the doctors’ try to heal it by keep giving you operations on your arm, where there is absolutely no cancer…Or the doctors’ tries to treat it by giving you lots of pain killers and sending you away, free of charge, on the most lovely of holidays. Will the person recover from the cancer? A cancer that is already at a life threatening stage? Would they? You will agree with me that for the cancer to stand a good chance of being cured the doctor’s would have to go to the root of the cancer and work on it from there, and then they can give the pain killers and holidays etc as other aspects of the treatment; you may call these measures preventative-i.e. working toward keeping the cancer in remission. Other preventive and recovery measures may include life style changes. You still with me? Ok, THE SAME THING APPLIES TO THE INCREASE IN KNIFE AND GUN CRIMES AND THE YOUTHS DYING WAY BEFORE THEIR TIME. It is hardly rocket science!
Measures to resolve this ongoing crisis have to come from all different angles as well as be about working to identify, clearly name, and get at the root causes of this issue first becoming epidemic. This problem of neglecting to start from there- from the root cause- is a thing that is generally missing and extremely wide spread in this broken world. The world and its people find it hard to look directly at root causes, take them seriously, and ACT. Politicians for example are experts at evading the issues and playing ‘point the finger and cast aspersions’ game. EXPERT. And somehow we expect the youths, who looks to us from the very moment they come out of the womb into this ready made world, to behave differently! Madness!
As the following quote says: ” It is not when mankind will learn, but WHEN mankind will ACT on what it already knows. ”
History repeats, personally, collectively, across generations and globally because we have not learned what we need to learn. To me that should be the point of History lessons in schools- to learn from the past mistakes of the previous generations. When it comes to what the root causes are all those pieces of research have already been done and sits gathering dust not being picked up enough, especially at the level of government. This world is crying out for change; for change in the old ways of seeing and dealing with things/issues. This world is screaming out for a paradigm shift that righteously overthrows the old order that never truly worked for every-man, just a privileged few, who historically have worked feverishly hard and fought tirelessly to keep its ‘one dimensional, shortsighted, greed-infested systems and structures’ wheels turning and very much in place. Makes me wanna holler and throw up both my hands…as Marvin Gaye sang in his very poignant-and still currently relevant, ‘What’s Going On’ album.
The word Government has GOVERN in it, and as Daniel Goleman points out in his book Emotional Intelligence,
” Leadership is not domination. It’s the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal.”
This is the paradigm shift needed; this is the new mindset needed, one that ensures, wherever possible, everyone wins. There cannot be peace and true prosperity on earth until this new order reigns supreme – as supreme as this outdated and worn out current world dis-order does.
And the word Discipline comes from the word Disciple…meaning TO TEACH, not solely to beat. So going back to beating children and causing them to fear us as parents is not the answer either, and indeed people who solely relay on this kind of discipline and pedagogy, is very much part of the problem of inner city violence. Young people need firm and fair discipline, boundaries and displays of kindness; they need the adults in their charge to model the behaviour they expect the children to pick up. Children learn mostly from what adults do, not from what they say. We need to walk the talk as people in charge and in governance of the young. We need to model to them what authentic leadership looks like. Expecting children to embody qualities that we ourselves lack as caregivers, teachers, politicians and the like, is absolutely ludicrous. That is like expecting a child, and/or an adult for that matter, to know how to do algebra without ever being taught and/or shown how. Madness!!
Just had to shout out my way of looking at and understanding this crisis; just very simple food for much needed thought.
And let us remember to keep the faith and lift hope up high, as we need that Light to fight the dark in these very troubled and dis-eased times, as well as keep hope and faith alive when universal law forcibly carries us, kicking and screaming, into a new and more humane social order. As Malcolm X said, as he himself was opening to this new shift in perspective and therefore consciousness within himself, which I believe was the thing that brought about his demise:
“No man truly understands until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”
So as I sign off, I leave you with the link to Marvin Gaye’s Inner City Blues, that has been playing in my mind since I begun to ponder on this subject and write this piece-
Peace & Love,
Sometimes I just tire of this world. I tire of the same ole same ole. The same ole struggles in my personal life; the same ole struggles and heartache in the world. I just tire of it all. Not that I’d rather not be here, but being the kind of person I am who feels things so deeply and personally, the same ole same ole can truly weigh on me.Being an optimist at heart, I hold a lot of hope for the world: for the difference our daily individual efforts can and does make. Yet still I tire from the same ole same ole…
The same ole news, just with different players and presenters. The same ole going round and round in circles thinking if we turn a blame eye to things somehow things will get better of their own accord. Then the same ole exclamation of dismay and outrage when the same ole crime and disasters continue to happen, taken up a notch or two further. Tired of people not realising that unless one get to the root of problems and do something with that information, the same ole same ole will continue to happen. This is not rocket science…
Just tired of the same ole same ole, and my personal life is just the same…well, that is a bit harsh because I live in a certain self-awareness, as well as work and live at the root of all things. But some things remain persistent, like my struggle with embracing all of my feelings; my struggle with self-acceptance; my struggle with food; my struggle with relaxation. I know these struggles are deep rooted, born out of a time when it worked in my best interest as a matter of survival to not accept myself; to eliminate my feelings and constantly push them away. To avoid relaxation and remain ever vigilant least I miss someone coming up behind me and feeling entitled to treat me in all kind of ways. Looking forward to good tasting foods that emotionally soothes; developing quite a dependence on that in the absence of safe and supportive parental figures. And so it goes on…
Just fed up and tired at the minute: a very long off and on minute. But being an optimistic at heart, someone who believes that life and human beings, at the core, are basically good, I keep on keeping on. And keep on sharing my love light for anyone going through a dark period of time. Though tired I refuse to be defeated in the ‘difference making’ business. And however dark my period of time, I continue to allow my little light to shine.
Peace & Love,