On My Kind Of Love..

Kahlil Gibran – 1883-1931

On Love…

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
     And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
     When love beckons to you, follow him,
     Though his ways are hard and steep.
     And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
     Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
     And when he speaks to you believe in him,
     Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

     For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
     Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
     So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
     Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself
     He threshes you to make your naked.
     He sifts you to free you from your husks.
     He grinds you to whiteness.
     He kneads you until you are pliant;
     And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

     All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

     But if in your heart you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
     Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
     Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
     Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
     Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
     For love is sufficient unto love.

     When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
     And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

     Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
     But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
     To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
     To know the pain of too much tenderness.
     To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
     And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
     To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
     To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
     To return home at eventide with gratitude;
     And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Peace & Love,


Black history for life…

Black history, like a pet, is not just for October, it’s for life, and more importantly, for the National Curriculum. One of the main purposes of History – Personal & Collective – is to look back to learn; to look back to Evolve, Progress & Grow…NOT TO glorify & justify atrocious inhumane decisions and violence. Not to mis-educate & perpetrate propaganda…And we wonder about the state of the world!? The state of our Personal & Collective…This is not rocket science, just simple mathematics.

More Power To The Truth and its Prevailing 🖤🔥🖤

Peace & Love,

Light 🔥

Nearly Here…

7th January 2021…Available to buy Now on Preorder at Amazon!

Sometimes we can- who we truly are can, get lost in the dust of our own raising. The world can write all over us creating all kinds of erroneous beliefs, life experiences and chances. But we are made from Awesome Material. We have a Power within us, that something inside us soo strong, to recover and reassemble our One True Self, which returns us Back to love, and in so Being & doing, helps us create bigger and better things for ourselves…way outside of the so called good opinions of others…

Creating bigger & better things in the face of a world that would have us believe is not possible, preferring instead for us to believe we are not worthy and are far from deserving of. My book, Back to love, Shows and Tells how I did just that for myself.

Writing, and taking up the Recovery & Self-Rediscovery Journey Back to love, was a labour of love I wholeheartedly took on and completed, not just for myself, but for my race; for my loved ones; for those who have never known self-love; for the world…

It is my belief that whatever hand life deals us, we are called to Live & Be The Light..

Lights Of The World

..in a world that continuously needs lighting up…more so than ever in 2020..

Peace & Love,


P.S…Here it is!

24 hours With Grace

Gracious Grace, I am finally Allowing to visit today.

I didn’t realise how perfectly Grace Knows,

The Way;

Grace Picked Me Up and swept me away

from all angst and pain; with the paradox being,

I had to Allow Original Pain in to Receive Her.

Grace Amaziness IS…

Yielding, though far from compromising; invisible, yet

Blindingly Present, Everywhere…

Yes, Grace has Great Gifts to Give, and I am, in this time,

Allowing myself to it;

In This Time, Yielding, Releasing, Fore Giving….

Getting out the way so Grace can reach me and show me

how Great Life Truly Is…in its ISness…

How Comforting Grace Is Also!

In Her Presence I want for nothing: NO-THING!

Her Love for Us is Unlimited and is filled with

Impeccable Miraculous-ness.

I plan to keep letting Her in, until

She Is More inside than out,

and I Come to Know what life In The Here

& The Now Is All about…

Peace & Love,


Outside The Spiritual Closest…













The Sparrow Of Lasting Happiness #2

My Spirituality is everything. It saved my life, it kept me alive, it urges me to follow my dreams which houses my most true identity…The That of why I am here; here in this life, in this space, at this time, to share so’s that those down by the river in need of spiritual awakening aren’t left thirsting, forgetting themselves: forgetting their Am of I…

I am coming out, More and More, rooted in my truth….

I am Daring Greatly, and only those who Dares similarly I am open to, to your opinions….though people who Dare Greatly don’t have them…don’t need them, as they, like me, are living their true identity dream and dare not lose precious time in all that, that in the greater scheme of things, matters not….

The poem below I wrote some years back. As I was writing the above it came to mind, so I changed the original course of my Intention in writing this blog piece and share that poem here instead…


I had a dream last night

that I died and The Lord

asked me, why?

Why when I was alive I

wasn’t myself?

And all the excuses that had once

served me well, now didn’t mean a thing,

because in Truth? I never dared

go out on That limb,

To the place the Lord later shared, held

her most precious fruits-

a place where I never could lose.

I cried that night, deep, bitter tears of regret,

then tears of Joy when I arose, and realised

there was still time, yet.

And never again did I forget

to re-member myself-and respond

 to The Call to Share and Express,

those God, Given, Talents.

November 2004

Peace & Love,




Earlier today I was listening to Elizabeth Lesser’s book, Marrow, and I just had to share something I read there that resonated with me. Before I do, just to share that every book I read-that I reach out to read and/or it finds me- comes when I am facing something that is challenging in my life that is calling me to further growth and self/understanding. I loved Elizabeth Lesser’s book Broken Open, which I read maybe 10 years , or so, ago. Her soul speaks to and resonates with mines in an effortless and easy way.

I chose this book, which I am going to share an excerpt from, during this time of death being so very much part of our lives and the world with the advent of Covid -19. In the midst of covid-19 and its sudden prevalence of high death rates, especially back in March and April, and having experienced the loss of loved ones losing loved ones, I felt the need to make peace, again, with death: with this twin that comes with human life, which we humans finds hard to accept and live with, let alone bare when it comes knocking. I very much wanted to find a way to quell the fear in the world and the fear in my everyday, so off I went searching for the right (now) book. Books have always been My Way: My Way to find A Way.

Okay, now to share the excerpt that Spoke to me today and Inspired me to share it here…

“It never ceases to amaze me how much we all suffer from ADD, not Attention Deficient Disorder. The ADD I am talking about is Authenticity Deficiency Disorder, a condition you will not find in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders because I made it up…

But still, it is real and like many disorders Authenticity Deficiency Disorder manifest along a spectrum…

Some of us have a mild case: we go through the day with a low grade embarrassment of being human, hesitant to show our true face with all its odd and magnificent irregularities; reluctant to look inside and do some house cleaning and get to the marrow of the self…

Others of us fall on the more serious end of the Authenticity Deficiency Disorder spectrum: our sense of inadequacy and shame is overwhelming and crippling. Serious Authenticity Deficiency Disorder can take the form of depression, anxiety, fear, isolation; it can hold us back from fully living; it can make intimacy impossible…

Most of us fall in the middle of the Authenticity Deficiency Disorder spectrum: sometimes pleased about who we are, sometimes ashamed. Sometimes clear about our paths in life; oftentimes befuddled and stuck…

In the privacy of our own nutty heads we imagine everyone else got the instruction book, but not us. Indeed, we suspect there may be something uniquely wrong with us, but we keep that insecurity to ourselves; we keep it secret…

And then we try to cover it up with all different sorts of facades and defenses that over a lifetime becomes habitual. We try to look the part of someone whose got it all together…

Depending on what we think the world wants from us, we try to sound cool, act strong, be smart. Or maybe we hide behind a macho mask, or a good girl persona. Maybe we act the good girl part when what is called for is a rebel; or maybe we act the rebel even though there is nothing to fight..

Meanwhile, back in the Marrow, our shining soul is what the world really wants…

…but we don’t believe that.

We believe the opposite: that if we look too deep or share too much our basic unacceptability would be found out…

So, we relate to each other on the surface because if we reveal too much- show our cards, we won’t be loved, or won’t be accepted , or won’t belong…

We’d be taken advantaged of, we’d be judged, and excluded…

But that is a supreme misunderstanding…”

And so Lesser goes on…

Similarly, I believe that this world and its inhabitants have a supreme case of Authenticity Deficiency Disorder…I also believe that death scares us so when we are not living an authentic life; when we are not being our authentic self. Death scares us so when we know deep inside that we are not living a life pleasing to ourselves & to our true potential. That is what we are here to do and be, not carbon copies, not what the world tells us is acceptable; not how the world pigeon box us. We are, and we have, Agency.

Isn’t that what deathbeds regrets are full of….? Life-Unlived.…woulda coulda shouldas…

As the lyrics of a song says (the name of which escapes me) Be yourself; everyone else is taken..

I had it too, and am recovering therefrom…Daring Greatly every single day to be me, simply…

Peace & Love,


P.s. Let Your Authentic Shine Bright…

The world, like never before (in our time), needs Your Light…

Needs Your Difference-Making..

The Sparrow Of Lasting Happiness #1

Watch the crud -the “stuff,” the old past conditioning and its associated angst- come, and let it go…Similar to my meditation practice, this I will do with the discomfort that comes up as I choose the Happiness Track…and I will share that Process & Journey every so often here in this blog.

Change is a process so to get More Lasting Happiness in my life- the More Life/Light Christ and other enlightened humane beings came to show us The Way and offer us, I have to make that conscious effort, moment to moment, to watch the crud come and let it go, releasing the temptation, the old habit, of immediately trying to change it in some way. Of numbing it; disassociating from it; escaping the intensity & overwhelm of it. Just a standing still and letting the crud, like a tumultuous wave, wash over me. Letting that be whilst having Faith that I can withstand those intense emotional waves, knowing they won’t kill me, that is the Intention of the practice. Just like in the Gospel of Mark 4:35-41 when Christ, The Light, told the storm to be still and implored the disciples to have More Faith.

This week, on a scale of 1- 10, with 1 being running away from and disallowing the emotional crud wave washing over me, to 10 being perfect facing of it, allowing it and remaining Still & Knowing I can withstand this, I would say I am starting at a strong 6,/stable 7. That rising wave happened numerous times throughout the week and felt very difficult to bare, and caused a part of me to panic with what felt like the enormity of it all…(During the week an upsetting life event happened that also added its unpleasant two pennies worth; but that perhaps for another blog).

I noticed fear- terror even- and a dread in some of those moments, which is to be expected, I had to remind the perfectionist in me. I had to remind that part of me that for it was expecting me to just get this practice, this cultivation, this planting of the Lasting Happiness Seed, down to a tee, without experiencing difficulty! She crazy (lol)!

For myself an 8 would be the degree to which the fear and the dread have lessened, and in its place, More of a feeling of Equanimity: More of an Experiential Knowing and surety that there is truly nothing to fear, and that the worse has already happened...

That the thing that I fear most has already happened, that thing being the psychological self-annihilations experienced when I was little and undefended at that most vulnerable time in my early life. Oftentimes the heart of our fears lies in the file of “when I was little & totally vulnerable and dependent on big people.”

Like already mentioned, I will be sharing & tracking this Sparrow of MORE Lasting Happiness, from the inner-side-out, Journey here, to help & reinforce my own un/learning, and as always to help anyone here reading my blogs and who wishes to see and know what self-love looks, feels & breathes like.

With self-love the most difficult, mine currently being Lasting Happiness, in this time, can be made Possible. And given due Love & Light, the difficult Shadowy material transforms-back into- most beautiful.

Additionally, as Lao Tzu said,

The Journey of A Thousand Miles Begins With A Single Step…Watch this space for my book Back to Love which charts the beginning and unfolding of my Journey and story back to self-love.

Peace & Love

Light 💛

The Sparrow Of Lasting Happiness…

Happiness became more fully lit and alive for me this month of August 2020. I realised – and the penny finally dropped- that, just like I fight for, honor, and keep, ever vigilantly, My Inner Peace, I can do likewise with Happiness. So I decided to have that relationship: I decided to make & keep that commitment to Happiness. And as wise souls have observed, the moment I made that decision earlier this week, testy things immediately begun to turn up; like they came, in particular, to reclaim Happiness.

Then I remembered, and calmed myself, having learned- and am always open to learning from my experiences another commitment I have made some time ago- that those situations weren’t tests: weren’t the devil trying to wrangle back some kind of control. In making the Happiness decision and honoring the commitment, similar to lifting a stagnant rock and an whole hosts of insects running & cutting loose therefrom, so it was with those habitual things. So it was with those habitual ways of thinking, behaving, seeing, being, living & loving…I was seeing that more clearly in those moments; in my no longer wishing to entertain them.

I was seeing right through them and seeing how swiftly they turned up, threatening Lasting Happiness: to undermine and tarry it, especially Age-Old fear transfigured into anxiety, and PTSD anxiety transfigured into terror: always there, ready, to steal My Joy.. to steal My Portion of it…we all have our Portions.

Once upon a time I needed those thought and feeling patterns & conditions to survive and keep me psychologically alive…Once upon a time it was safer living small; safer keeping myself to myself; wise to safe-keep My Good and My Joy…

But all that I put behind me; all that I am actively putting behind me… moment to moment, and daily..

No matter what shows up in front of me threatening to make me jump out of my skin, I am going to allow the vulnerability that come with those human experiences. I going to allow vulnerability and seek out proper comfort & safety. And once calmed, I’m gonna choose Happiness, over & over & over. I am going to choose Happiness, Over-all.

Yes, I will have emotions about stuff, both positive and negative ones- just like the weather have all types of weather; I am going to have those and make a greater concerted effort to not “add to” my suffering. As Buddhists says, there is suffering that comes with living in the world, and then there is the (unnecessary) suffering we inadvertently add to that suffering; to our pain.

The Good News is, it is within our hands to lose that “suffer some more” add on

…When Christ said The Kingdom is at hand, She wasn’t lying…

All we have to more consistently do is move ourselves out of The Way and let Nature & Her Process take & run its course… And when She is done, get back on that Happiness Horse and let it take us wherever it would: Her Wherever Is, All-Ways-Good

Peace & Love In Flight,


Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder & Gang Violence

I wrote this about 18 months ago. Still very current, so I share again…

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder & Gang Violence

As a way of introduction to this piece, please watch the following link below…

How gang violence affects mental health – BBC News

Nothing is being said about the possible, and probable, cases of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) arising out of  the impact of gang violence in certain inner cities. PTSD is not just a probability experienced by young people active in gangs, but also people living in those areas trying to go about their everyday business and lives. Notwithstanding the assault on mental health and well-being of  young people not involved in gang violence, as well as on mothers, fathers, other family members and friends of those killed and/or assaulted: all inadvertently becoming victims of gang violence themselves.

As a mother of two black men and grandsons, their safety is a daily concern for me, especially when they are out and about in the world. That concern had already been there, though more centred around my fears of possible- and some would say probable- run ins with the law, and other ‘powers that be discriminatory systems.’ Additionally I myself can struggle with anxiety, so this ongoing climate of youth violence oftentimes compounds my own anxiety, which must also be the case for those already living with mental health concerns at this time. Therefore, one does not need to be affiliated to gangs to be affected by it and feel terrorised by it living in these kind of inner city war zones.

Then there is the direct trauma experienced when witnessing a young person being harmed and/or losing their life, as well as the mental health assault of Bereavement when a young person and adults experience the loss of lives of friends and loved ones. As is already known, Bereavement has its own special effects and process of recovery, which is far from easy. And I can put money on it that  out of those impacted, in whatever fashion, very few is in receipt of counselling, therefore ends up dragging all that unprocessed and therefore unresolved trauma into adulthood, and across generations. And so the devastation goes on.

Then there is ‘Complex Trauma’ which is very debilitating, let alone when it too is added into the mix of gang violence. A type of trauma that still has not received the recognition due. This kind of trauma comes from having experienced abuse during ones childhood; in this situation the trauma very much shapes you, whether you believe it does or not. And it shapes you deeply and physiologically when the abuse is experienced at the hands of family friends and/or loved ones themselves, the very people who are meant to be there to love, cherish, teach and protect you. I think this is where the saying, “Better the devil you know” comes from. This kind of early ongoing and personality shaping  Complex Trauma is also less straight forward- though far from impossible- to treat.

It is indeed a very sad reality that it is not the ‘stranger’ who oftentimes presents the danger to children: the threat is on the doorstep and in children’s homes. The danger is in the place the child is meant to feel the safest. It is of no surprise, to me anyway, that for some children gangs can come to feel more like home: more like a place where they feel protected and can finally gain some sense of belonging…

Now let us take a look at some statistics:

Over 51, 000 children in England were identified as needing protection from abuse in 2017, (The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC); 90% of sexually abused children were abused by someone they knew, (The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC); 1 in 4 adults, males and females, would have experienced some form of sexual abuse by the time they are 18 years old: 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys, (One In Four).

And to further make mention, there is no hierarchy in child abuse: neglect, physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, bullying and online abuse, are all forms of child abuse and are equally damaging in and of themselves. And in particular regard to mental health, 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem in any given year, and 1 in 10 young people will experience mental health problem, which oftentimes gets mistaken for run of the mill ‘teenage angst.’

Then there is the tendency for young black males aged 18-25 years old to be diagnosed with a psychotic mental health disorder, which is suspicious on the one hand because the statistic is marked and unchanging, but is of no surprise on the other hand when we seriously consider all the variables I am bringing to attention here. To me it is not rocket science why people from the black communities in general do not access counselling and other types of preventative service provisions and instead mostly presents at crisis points, and are over-represented in youth juvenile systems, prisons, social services, mental hospitals, and so on.

And in regards to the impact on the economy, in a study carried out in England in 2010, it was found that alone, mental illness cost the economy £105.2 billion. In spite of this figure mental illness is still under recognised and under treated in primary care.

Let us now take a look at physical health and well-being. The Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Study, (Retrieved 25 March 2014, is a research study conducted by Kaiser Permanente health maintenance organisation and Centres for Disease Control and Prevention), well documents Adverse Childhood Experiences on adult physical health. The types of childhood trauma associated with adult high risk health behaviours such as smoking, alcohol and drug abuse, promiscuity, and severe obesity, and correlated with ill-health including depression, heart disease, cancer, chronic lung disease and shortened life span, are physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical neglect, emotional neglect, mother treated violently, household substance abuse, household mental illness, parental separation or divorce and an incarcerated household member.

Having gathered up these very telling social facts, and with the emphasis on Control and Prevention, the authors also identifies trauma-informed and resilience-building practises based on the research that is being implanted in communities, education, public health departments, social services, faith –based organisations and criminal law in America. We too on these side of the world shores can benefit from drawing some important lessons of  our own from pieces of research such as these, especially around control and prevention.

Indeed, Britain has started to make little headway, for example, in regards to domestic violence and abuse some lessons have be drawn from similar types of studies in Britain and are currently trying to be addressed in a primary care training and support programme called Identification and Referral to Improve Safety (IRIS, Ran by Queen Mary University of London, 2007-2010) IRIS is a collaboration between primary care and third sector organisations specialising in Domestic Violence and Abuse. A GP, on IRIS trained practise, has been quoted as saying:

“I’m now convinced that violence against women and children is a major public health problem with long-term consequences for women and their families. As an experienced GP, the whole project has been nothing short of transformational.”

And in regards to mental health and young black males being disproportionately diagnosed with psychosis, and as a community not accessing the more preventative services, I am aware of a piece of research that is currently being carried out by The Early Intervention City and Hackney Mental Health Team, in collaboration with a key player involved in a similar type of research carried out in America around this key issue.

So once again I say, more needs to be said, documented, and disseminated to all the key players in the Primary and Social Health Care fields – as well made available for the general population on the issue of PSTD. Also more need to be said and disseminated on Mental and Physical ill-health that surrounds and is also coming out of inner city gang violence, highlighting the social conditions that compounds these issues, namely poverty, discrimination, deprivation, racism, and Adverse Childhood Experience. Which brings to mind a quote:

“Hate yourself in the morning of your life, and by afternoon time you will be hating everyone else.”

In regards to treatment in the way of medication, yes it is not the sole source of help, but it absolutely has its place. It has its place when treating PTSD and other enduring Mental Health conditions, those that have become more ingrained, out of hand, and is havocking dire consequence on the person’s day to day life. But for true recovery, which by the way benefits the individual, the community, society and the economy on a whole, medication should be used in conjunction with therapy. With that combination oftentimes the need for medication lessens and can be weaned off from overtime. Once the trauma that has brought on the unbearable symptoms has been psychologically processed and satisfactorily physiologically regulated, one’s life can take a more productive and progressive turn, and head off in a happier and more wholesome life direction.

I have come to know quite a bit on this subject of PTSD and Mental Health, firstly from my own experiences, as well as in my work as a counsellor with women who have experienced historic and adult sexual and domestic violence. I have seen first-hand the impact of those traumas on mental health, well-being, relationships and self-esteem. To spell out more clearly, here are some of the symptoms of PTSD:

Sleep Disturbance like nightmares and difficulties in falling asleep and staying asleep; Flashbacks triggered by smells, associated memories, certain situations, almost anything; Intrusive Ruminating Thoughts that one feels that they cannot switch off from; Anxiety and Panic Attacks; Depression; Anger turned outward against others, and/or inwards resulting in violence towards oneself, e.g. Suicide, Self-Harm. Hyper vigilance, feeling always on edge, unable to relax; Paranoia, which in regards to gang violence can have some base in reality what with young people feeling unsafe in their communities, some feeling they need to carry guns and/or knives to protect themselves- or even Agoraphobia fearing venturing outdoors. Substance Abuse, Alcohol Abuse and Eating Disorders in an attempt at self and emotional regulation, as well as a way to self-mediate, numb and/or escape the pain. These PTSD symptoms and ways of coping are very real, as well as life-limiting.

In closing I am hoping at the end of this blog you can begin to see how very complex this issue of gang violence is and how very important it is that solutions to it come from all psycho-social angles. Let us not waste time splitting hairs about the cause and thinking our recommendation in the way of solution is the only one and best way forward. We have no time for score keeping and finger pointing: it is distracting and time wasting. We simply try everything and see which solutions works best.

This issue of gang violence and the immediate and far-reaching destruction it creates and leaves us with in its midst does not need knee jerk reactions and short-sighted opinions: it’s deep. It needs to be approached from the grass root up, then travel back down again to check out if what the grass root has said has been fully heard and taken into serious consideration. Then off we all go to implement, from the grass root up and back down again, monitoring and evaluating failures and successes.

This gang violence will be a slow, though steady and certain resolve,  far from a ‘peanut throwing sprint,’ which has oftentimes been the case with issues such as these, hence why not much have changed, and steadily gets worse. What is being called for – across the human condition board, is a Life-Change, from us all. And we all need to consistently take care of matters from our own end, then any place else we able to offer help: no more, no less.

And bless you one & all; You who are already out there making a difference. A dark place in the world lights up because of your efforts, so do not underestimate the power and importance of your difference-making much needed contributions. United We Stand, divided We fall.

Peace & Love,